Sulky Saturday and Sunday

I am a human... and I get annoyed for no reason sometimes. Even though I would like to hide it sometimes... it's real and it's me... and it makes me real... not perfect. So here's my rather pessimistic posts on the end of the week. Forgive me.

Saturday we woke up early again and headed for Kansas City after mass. I was so tired when we arrived that I asked to be excused to nap. NAP? In the daytime? I don’t do that. Who switched bodies with me? I don’t think I ever lost consciousness, but I felt semi-better after half an hour. Then we went to the PLAZA for lunch and shopping. I capitalize that for succinct reasons which you will discover for yourself. In fact, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Talk about the lap of luxury. Aside from my grumpy desire to deck someone because of the overindulgence around me, I was very grateful for the lavish experience. I am being treated to a world of generosity. I still feel slightly tainted by worldly desires though. Being surrounded by voracious amounts of money and costly items always does that to me. I don’t like spending $7.50 for a piece of cheesecake when some people can’t afford to buy soap. As I was looking outside at the pristine landscaping and the beautiful flowered streets, I noticed a distinct lack of homeless people. “Those” kind of people don’t belong in a place like the Plaza, and would probably get kicked out of the area. It slightly depressed me. (Note: As the post progresses… I will become more and more brusque and pessimistic. Forgive me. I will return in full joyous, uncritical form within the week).

Sunday I awoke to a giant thunderstorm! Then we went to mass for real (since it was Sunday) and I grumpily observed all the reasons I will never become a Catholic. Their entire service makes you feel like an outcast if you’re not a member. They have all these little rituals and passages that they do. They're beautiful, but you feel guilty and hypocritical if you try to mimic them and guilty and excluded if you don’t. I have nothing against Catholics. In fact, I love some of them to death (or I smother them to death in chocolate... Ceci). I just don't want to be a part of a church that makes non-members feel awkward.

Then we went to eat at The Boat… my last grumpy note. The boat is a restaurant attached to a casino. Now I’m pretty sure none of you have been inside a place that hosts a hotel, casino, and restaurant all that the same time on a Sunday after going to mass. Let’s just say, I felt pretty messed up. Clarification: I did ask whether the restaurant was separate from the casino… and I was told it was. However, I’m still suspicious that somehow the proceeds of one or the other HAVE to be connected. When we walked inside, I was so distraught, I thought about Daniel and wondered what I could do to not dishonor the Lord. I figured not eating was out since that would be a blatant discredit to Jo’s generosity (of course the tickets into the restaurant cost a fortune since it was an all you can eat buffet type place) P.S. the Keith Urban tickets cost $61! I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Is there a category of money in our per diem account for “Gifts you get dragged into”? I mean, I wanted to do all of this fun stuff. Normally, if I were at home, I would pay for my own part of it and I think that’s what Kary would expect me to do. But Jo has already paid for it… and I could offer to, but I think that would just offend her… so here I am at an impasse. Sigh. I think God just wants me to stop worrying about money.

Anyway, I finally decided to eat a lot of fresh fruit and a couple protein foods – some potatoes, eggs, and my luxury – biscuit and gravy. Gross I know, but for some odd reason, I really like biscuits. Sadly, I ended up eating more because I gradually felt more comfortable. I hope I did the right thing. I asked God either to make me feel less horrible, or to give me a way out of eating. So I guess He choose the first option which makes me think I have nothing to feel guilty about.

Then we went shopping at an old river town. It was mostly window shopping – although it made me unhappy all over again (sorry) because I was reminded of all the pretty things you can buy with money… and I started wanting them. Stupid nasty shopping. I bought one small gift for my roommate Emily which made me happy amidst all the silliness. All in all, it was a lovely trip, if I wasn’t such a normal covetous human.