Copycatting...

Hi Everyone,

Following in my friend Rachel's suit... I have to announce a new blog since the purpose of this one was specifically for Jubilee Fellows. On a weird note however, I would like you to know that the new blog is going to be addressed to the world. It is my experimental book making blog. Since people repeatedly tell me I need to write a book... I am working on something... I don't know what yet. So far it's very weird. It's also a slow process. So don't expect much. One more thing, there may be lots of repeats of things I've already written. I almost never repeat an email even if I'm talking to an entirely separate group, but in this case, I might. It's all a giant experiment. Mmmm icecream and tuna.

Love,
Katie

http://getyour10minutesofsunshine.blogspot.com/

Gift wrap it up

Yeah yeah... I know I've been neglecting finishing things up here. It's just that after the conference I went home and everything blew up. While explosions are very exciting, they can also be corrosive and disruptive. I saw three friends in one day and then my long awaited brother and sister-in-law arrived with Raena in tow. We got about a night of delight and the next day my sister-in-law (it's hard type sisterinlaw over and over... I will now refer to her as my sister) went to the ER. She had been seeing spots for days (never a good sign). Then began the long saga of hospital visits which pretty much swamped our less then five day vacation. My sister endured eyehooks and MRI's at 1:00am. All to find that she has a cavernous adenoma. A WHAT? Well it's a benign tumor near her pituitary gland which also is near an optic recess. So apparently it grew when she was pregnant with Raena because progesterone causes it to grow. This is not cool because it could grow again and possibly become malignant. Also, I don't think anyone ever fixed the spot problem. Though for now, she is told not to worry. While this did ruin our vacation, God saw fit that they were here (aka next to the UofM of medical wonders versus Frederick, MA where the whole thing would have been overlooked). Also, it meant I got to see a lot of my baby. I did the full: feed baby, play with baby, let baby bonk head (oops!), change baby's diaper... and finally I even got to make her fall asleep in T-2 minutes. That's a record folks.

Not one day after getting home from this disasterous vacation, my grandmother goes to the hospital. She's dehydrated, liver is acting out, and her clotting factors are way off. My grandfather becomes extremely distraught and my mom has to deal with him and all of her siblings (3 if you were wondering). This is not an easy feat. My mother has been so distressed that she asked me yesterday to spell possibly. I looked at how she had tried to spell it and it was "possibile". Not good. :) Family matters are never smooth. Everyone has their own opinion. So I've been playing old maid alone in the house, but if you thought that would give me time to write a blog post... you're WRONG! I've been studying somewhat frantically for the NCLEX which I am now scheduled to take the first day of classes (interesting I know). Also, I've been cleaning my room which hasn't seen me since the beginning of May when I threw everything into it and left for Kansas. So yes, that's my life right now. I enjoy being home although I wish I had more time. I always wish I had more time though. Such is life. I'll finish up with Jubilee thoughts later. I've got some good things for notation.

All my love,
Katie

iWin an Oscar

I never thought I'd be elected for an Oscar. I never thought I could bring down the house with an act as a ditzy girl who hitchhikes with cute boys so she can paint her nails. I guess all my SWAT (improv team) work paid off!

You find me in St. Louis, MO at a Sisters of Mercy convent. It is beeyootiful and making me slightly homesick which is ok since I will be home in three days!

We just did skits on "worst nightmares" of parish nurse educators. I laughed so hard! We had one scenario where someone did a devotional for ONE HOUR. I won't even try to explain the skit... but we laughed until there were tears in our eyes. My group's skit was on a girl who was "ditzy", giggled, and gave inappropriate comments in response to questions. Somehow we had my character hitchhike to class... (so she could paint her nails of course! And she thought the driver was pretty cute) Then she said that the case study scenario should have been printed on scented paper. I strung it out was wildly as I could. It was great! Even when we got to the serious part when we were talking about interventions for the scenario... I had to make one last joke. Our leader was stating that maybe "Sally" (my character) felt out of place in class with the other women and I shouted out in character "BECAUSE THEY'RE SO OLD"

How the women loved that! It's a longstanding joke (and sad fact) that the average age of a parish nurse is 61. I'm the baby of the group by a long shot. It is such a riot though. I'm enjoying every minute of it and learning SO MUCH. I love being surrounded by my gray headed elders (and they're really not old - I mean they're all still teaching!). They take great care of me too. After this skit they're saying they'll see me at the Oscars, I'm a great actress, and NEVER HITCHHIKE! I will share more of the wisdom later when I have access to my own computer (I'm on one of three at the center and don't want to hog it!)

Comedy act in St. Louis
Yours truly

Pearls

Gleaning through my experiences... here's what I've found

1) Peace for the future. I no longer feel like I'm going over a cliff into the real world of a million possibilities. There are still a million possibilities, but I know that the only important thing is to follow God's voice and will to one possibility at a time. I have confidence and assurance that He will make a clear path for that which is His will. I also have assurance that He will use all the gifts that He has planted in my life. Nothing will go to waste. I must simply, trust and obey as the old hymn goes. It's definitely not as simple as a line in a hymn, but I've made steps in walking on water.

2) I dealt with grief issues I had from the last couple years and think that I've finally made my peace.

3) I have learned that my biggest mistake is trusting too much in everyone, including myself, and excepting God . Today's reading from Oswald stated, "Disillusionment means that there are no more false judgments in life. To be undeceived by disillusionment may leave us cynical and unkindly severe in our judgments of others (that's me!), but the disilluionment which comes from God brings us to the place where we see men and women as they really are, and yet there is no cynicism, we have no stinging, bitter things to say. Many of the cruel things in life spring from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts; we are true only to our ideas of one another. Everything is either delightful and fine, or mean and dastardly, according to our idea (that's me)... Our Lord trused no man, yet He was never suspicious or bitter. Our Lord's confidence in God and in what His grace could do for any man, was so perfect that He despaired of no one. If our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone. My mom always said that I expected too much out of people. I also expect too much out of myself. When I lash out unexpectedly at someone, do something really selfish, carelessly pass someone in need over, I am always REALLY surprised, horrified, and despairing of myself. It's like I can't believe that I was capable of hurting someone. I think we have to admit that we can hurt people and we will continue to until Jesus returns. Since a small age, I have been hurt by friends. So I think it's been my mantra never to hurt others as I have been hurt, but the reality is that we can't help hurting each other. The point is to expect to be hurt. It sounds cynical. But if we remember that we are human and fallen, we can forgive ourselves and others much more quickly. Even the best people hurt others. The problem is that we don't hear about it often enough. Heroes are created without faults. We get tricked into thinking perfect people exist. We meet people and never see their bad faults and assume that they are wonderful all the time. People sometimes think that about me. I see now that I should be glad that God doesn't let people think that for long. People end up seeing my faults a lot which is good; otherwise, I would just perpetuate the false illusion of perfection here and now. We will be made perfect (thank Jesus), but not until that GREAT day!

4) I've come to grips about my health and the need for help.

5) I've realized there's really just no lingering place for shame in this walk with Christ. If it's from sin, repent and turn away from sin. Then you have no reason to feel shame. If it comes from mistakes, learn from your mistakes, but don't feel ashamed. Do better next time. If it comes from weakness, well boast in your weaknesses. That is the way God's power is made known. Don't be let others shame you. Accept criticism and correction humbly. Don't feel ashamed because someone thinks you could do better. Be glad they want to help you. And remember that you probably can do better. We're not perfect as I believe I made clear in number 3 :) I've gotten better at accepting correction. Most people are trying to help you, and they usually speak at least a grain of truth. If they aren't, then just let it roll off because the most important thing is to be right with God. He's the one justifying you after all. It doesn't matter what others think as long as you are in line with the Bible and promptings of the Holy Spirit.

6) I've become more independent and willing to make a stand for my own decisions

7) It really is key to have long periods of time to sit and listen/converse with God. It may not make anything clearer, but it brings peace and joy which are supposed to characterize the Christian life after all :)

Enchiladas and Faux Leather

I had a lovely dinner tonight with Cathy (senior pastor) and Michael her husband. It was a little taste of home. We had enchiladas made by the neighbors and walked the two big black labs. When Michael found out how my brother is employed, he immediately asked me what his favorite TV show was. I laughed so hard and said "TWENTY FOUR" What with Kelsi, my dad, and recently finding out Nathan (the actor) loves it, it's hard not to think the whole world is obsessed with 24.

Michael and Cathy together are so funny. Michael made terrible puns the whole walk (I thought fondly of you, Brandon) and during dinner he had to ask me about guys. When Cathy (who was taking a call in a back room) overheard him say "Wait for a good one" she said, "Oh is he giving you the Christian guy talk? I'd better get back out there!" Michale looks in some small way like an older version of Michael from The Office. which is rather endearing. He runs marathons. Before he got on the guy track he said, "I see you have a good appetite (which is good) but you're also thin" I laughed over that one too... and we got to talk about running. He was also the first person to commend me straight up for not drinking which won me over entirely. His story is proof that my theory is not totally bunk.

I had a very productive and mostly happy day (aside from yelling at the dog this morning when she snuck through the baby gate for the THIRD time and woke me up even earlier then I had planned...and I planned early). Upon trying to make challah bread, I discovered we had no yeast. Now there are some things you can substitute for in cooking. Yeast in bread is not one of them. So I took an early morning run to Dillons (the local grocery store... it's like Meijers in MI). Then I made bread. I took another ATI test (my last before the final predictor!) and briefly talked to my friend in Germany.

Then we went to the new Three Trees building (the old one burned down last October) and helped with all sorts of crazy jobs. I got entrusted with a staple gun... and nearly strained my hand to death. I was creating faux leather benches. Here's a picture of the end results. Pretty nifty. I also sneezed my way through wiping down dusty walls. Unfortunately I'm the about the shortest candidate possible so I couldn't reach the ceiling even on a chair. But everyone else was avoiding the nasty, frustersome job, so I figure they're happy I tackled it at all. It's really hard to wipe down something when you can't tell where you've wiped before... I'll vouch for it!




Here are some other pictures from various rooms. It's going to be delightful when it's done!

The gorgeous mosaic which is remains of the old portrayal of the Three Trees.



This is the famous Three Trees story being put on panels. It's going to be so artistic and lovely



One of the children's rooms. Like the wallpaper? Yeah... that's wall paper. Amazing.



This one is more than wall paper... it's a painting! Notice the cute little chairs!

Flying Colors

Now for the post you've all been waiting for... (and by all, I mean, my parents).

Yesterday, was my great debut for teaching. I proudly introduced a small group of people to parish nursing for ONE whole hour. I bet none of you had to preach for an hour! Well... maybe you did. I did not think it was possible, but I managed to drag out 7 pages of slides for one whole hour. Unbeknownst to me, the two parish nurses who invited us to speak wanted to video tape the whole thing. Beejabbers... the things I endure (just kidding). I wasn't actually that nervous, what with giving so many honors presentations, (I'm not bragging... stating a fact) and I felt like I did a pretty good job (if I do say so myself). One of the nurses said I should get an A+ for presentation. Awww shucks.

Edit: Here's the big cookie Cathy sent to my last staff meeting :)

Blessings All Mine

... With ten thousand beside!

And now for a word of thanks. Confession: I used to throw oranges at my floormate Arielle and shout "THINK FAST" as they were flying towards her.

Sometimes I think God likes to do that to me with gifts. I've been slightly homesick and lonesome and tired of summer when people are never around when you need them (this is a general statement and not directed at anyone). Summer is just one of those times where everyone is spread out and on vacation.

Anyway, so today we were scheduled to go to Prairie Rose for lunch and "entertainment". Now this place was introduced to me as "the dude ranch" and considering that I went to Miss Saigon last night, Keith Urban a couple weeks ago, and a restaurant in a casino two weeks ago... I really wasn't sure what "entertainment" meant.

I was ready for anything, but was absolutely blown away by Christian hospitality and sincerity this afternoon at "the dude ranch". We pledged allegiance to the flag (which I haven't done since like 5th grade) applauded all the servicemen in the room, gave thanks to God... and were served a lot of meat...

A LOT.

They served us everything... even seconds. We didn't get up for anything. It was all you could eat and I managed two biscuits (I told you I have this thing for biscuits...). I don't think I'll be eating dinner tonight :)

Then it was time for gospel... southern gospel. Four guys (one a piano man... who's mom was there... it was really cute) sang some of the best hymns I've heard. It's a day for hymns. At First Pres we sang all hymns that I knew! I was so excited (normally I don't know any of them... and I know a lot for a young squirt). I was belting out "Soon and Very Soon" and "I'll Fly Away"

What was so refreshing was the "old fashionedness" of it. Now I know that just going back in time doesn't mean life was any less messy. Just seeing Miss Saigon assured me of that. People are vile anywhere, anytime. And I get fed up with it. So it was really nice to go somewhere out in the bright country air (like my home) where people were jovial, with a wealth of southern hospitality, and a mighty heart for God. They are the kind of people who preach it like it is, and joke like comedians today don't know how. I felt like someone was throwing pie in my face... the good way :) It was totally unexpected and very wonderful.

Today will also go down in history because I finally got to hear Mirko sing. AND I figured out how to spell his name. BUT no, I have not fallen in love... although he did have an excellent voice. However, a voice I can't resist... is one that belongs to anyone who plays the character Marius in the musical Les Mis. Seeing Miss Saigon reminded me how much I love the sound of his voice. (The lead male in Miss Saigon, played Marius in Les Mis). I'm also a big fan of people who sound like Lea Salonga. She is my favorite singer - 50% because of Mulan and 50% because of Les Mis. Now it makes sense why she also sang in Miss Saigon. How did I get on this topic?

Anyway, I'm still lonely, but much less empty. :) Cheers! Get ready for God to surprise you!

All I have needed, thy hand hath provided...

Ode to the weary

Oh to the weary
Who stare at computer screens
Red eyes bleary
And need 1000 espresso beans

Oh to the somnolent
Who need to plan and think
While sleep hangs redolent
And eyes of sand bags sink

Oh to the empty-headed
On futile hunt for motivation
No path before them breaded
May they find inspiration

Rocking Architecture

Thought maybe you should see what I'm working with!

Pretty amazing right? This is just the backside... and wait till you see the inside!

The main sanctuary... whew!

The gorgeous organ which is in use!

Here you can see the high vaulted dome

Lots and LOTS of painstakingly gorgeous stained glass

Help Wanted:

Hello Jubilee Fellows in particular. I need to obtain as many types of spiritual assessment quizzes I can get my hands on. If you've taken one... or know of one... please help me get a hold of a copy. This is kind of tricky.... because I'm not necessarily looking for spiritual gifts assessments. I don't need to find out if people are prophets... but rather what characteristics they have that can help build up the church.

Thanks so much in advance!

Stretch Marks

A friend recently asked me what stretches me most in this internship. I thought it was a very apt question and deserved a post of its own because most of my challenges come from MYSELF

EDIT: My mom stretches me the most... lol. Aka she worries about me being too open and cyberspace... and well you know the works. That's ok. I like to respect her and honor her by editing this post. Besides, I've found a celebrity whose parents worry over cyberspace... and had a "no dating till 16" rule too. So I'm not alone. (thank goodness... I really thought I might be).

But if you want to full story, just as me! Here's the really abbrv. version and I don't know how to abbreviate abbreviate. Brandon, help?

So when asked about what stretches me the most.
It’s not being thrown into an unknown state for ten weeks and living with a stranger who becomes your family
It’s not being in a church where there is not one person my age
It’s not having to speak to senior high about drugs and alcohol
It’s not having to give a lecture about parish nursing to adults
It’s not grieving over broken lives
It’s not wondering at the immensity of what God wants for my life
It’s not cranky humanity that doesn’t want to be helped

It’s ME. I give myself the biggest challenge– how I see things, whether I trust God even when I can’t feel him, whether I choose joy over shame and despair, whether I believe people care about me even when I feel so alone, whether I realize that other people are only grumpy because I started it, whether I learn that even when it’s my fault, I don’t have to judge myself into the ground.

Arise – arise my soul. Shake off your guilty fears and rise!

Good musings

One thing I know that I’ve learned this internship is that I’m extremely talented. Haha. I don’t mean that in a conceited way. I’ve just begun to realize that I can do a ton of things, and that is part of the problem when trying to describe the future to people. They’re like… "So what do you want to do after this internship?" I launch into a big description until their eyes start to glaze over. Oops. I did it again. It’s not my fault I’d like to be a midwife, nurse practitioner, researcher, music therapist, chaplain, high school counselor, masseuse, grief facilitator, oncologist, orphanage owner, adoption coordinator, missionary, soccer playing mom.

The worst problem I have is that I would like change the world in some big way. Percy Jackson would describe this as hubris (not to be confused with hummus). It’s a fancy word for pride (thinking you could do better/save the world/etc.)… which is the grand human sin after all. Actually, I have to confess – “change the world” is my fall back plan. (Don't choke on your diet coke - throw it away, it's rotting your teeth and eating out your liver). I’d much rather get married and raise a joyful family and change the world in small, nondescript ways. Doing something huge to change the world would only be to make up for the fact nobody thought I was worth pursing. It would be to fill the huge ache in my heart. And that’s not a very good plan. (Because everyone knows that you can't fill a hole without a shovel. Er well everyone should know that you can't fix love problems with work. Enough chick flicks should prove that, even if chick flicks are a bunch of bunk.)

But I’ve completely derailed from my main point.

The main point is that this internship has provided me with a huge sense of peace. Most of the year, I wrestled with the feeling that I was going off a huge cliff. I was about to enter a world full of overwhelming choices and I had to make a choice of what I was going to do. The pressure got worse when it seemed like I was going to have to make a choice with something that I really wouldn’t enjoy – something that would squeeze the life and joy out of me. I’ve realized or been reminded of two things. First, my life will (hopefully) be long, in which case, there will be plenty of time for God to lead me all over the place. The nice thing about living with an older person like JoVeta is that you are reminded of how many things you can do in a lifetime. Currently, I picture God taking me to hospitals, houses, positions of all types, countries, etc. I think he’ll utilize every single one of my gifts – art, music, intelligence, humor, skill with children, and great compassion. It’s still VERY frustrating not being able to know which direction He’ll take me, but it just proves the importance of being constantly prepared and ready to go wherever He leads.

Secondly, I’ve been reminded that any place God puts me will not suck the life out of me. It may be hard and painful, but it will not be life-sucking. God gives life – evil gives death. As long as I stay close in proximity to Him – as long as I keep praying – as long as I make room for Him in my life – He will fill me. So even if I end up in some non-descript med-surg floor, on the worst shift, with horrible nurses, and make terrible mistakes – even then I’ll still be gratified by doing God's work and helping the patients who are my priority. And even if I can’t help them the way I would like, I can always listen, always pray, and God will take care of the rest. :) YAY! Praise HIM.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Today's my mom's birthday.

I miss her

I hope she likes her presents!

Sorry I fed you so much. If you're a boy. Don't read it all. It's not worth it. Pick a day that has lots of pictures or looks short and enjoy it. If you're bored... enjoy the reading material. It's real. It's funny. It's thought-provoking.

Love,
Katie

Sulky Saturday and Sunday

I am a human... and I get annoyed for no reason sometimes. Even though I would like to hide it sometimes... it's real and it's me... and it makes me real... not perfect. So here's my rather pessimistic posts on the end of the week. Forgive me.

Saturday we woke up early again and headed for Kansas City after mass. I was so tired when we arrived that I asked to be excused to nap. NAP? In the daytime? I don’t do that. Who switched bodies with me? I don’t think I ever lost consciousness, but I felt semi-better after half an hour. Then we went to the PLAZA for lunch and shopping. I capitalize that for succinct reasons which you will discover for yourself. In fact, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Talk about the lap of luxury. Aside from my grumpy desire to deck someone because of the overindulgence around me, I was very grateful for the lavish experience. I am being treated to a world of generosity. I still feel slightly tainted by worldly desires though. Being surrounded by voracious amounts of money and costly items always does that to me. I don’t like spending $7.50 for a piece of cheesecake when some people can’t afford to buy soap. As I was looking outside at the pristine landscaping and the beautiful flowered streets, I noticed a distinct lack of homeless people. “Those” kind of people don’t belong in a place like the Plaza, and would probably get kicked out of the area. It slightly depressed me. (Note: As the post progresses… I will become more and more brusque and pessimistic. Forgive me. I will return in full joyous, uncritical form within the week).

Sunday I awoke to a giant thunderstorm! Then we went to mass for real (since it was Sunday) and I grumpily observed all the reasons I will never become a Catholic. Their entire service makes you feel like an outcast if you’re not a member. They have all these little rituals and passages that they do. They're beautiful, but you feel guilty and hypocritical if you try to mimic them and guilty and excluded if you don’t. I have nothing against Catholics. In fact, I love some of them to death (or I smother them to death in chocolate... Ceci). I just don't want to be a part of a church that makes non-members feel awkward.

Then we went to eat at The Boat… my last grumpy note. The boat is a restaurant attached to a casino. Now I’m pretty sure none of you have been inside a place that hosts a hotel, casino, and restaurant all that the same time on a Sunday after going to mass. Let’s just say, I felt pretty messed up. Clarification: I did ask whether the restaurant was separate from the casino… and I was told it was. However, I’m still suspicious that somehow the proceeds of one or the other HAVE to be connected. When we walked inside, I was so distraught, I thought about Daniel and wondered what I could do to not dishonor the Lord. I figured not eating was out since that would be a blatant discredit to Jo’s generosity (of course the tickets into the restaurant cost a fortune since it was an all you can eat buffet type place) P.S. the Keith Urban tickets cost $61! I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Is there a category of money in our per diem account for “Gifts you get dragged into”? I mean, I wanted to do all of this fun stuff. Normally, if I were at home, I would pay for my own part of it and I think that’s what Kary would expect me to do. But Jo has already paid for it… and I could offer to, but I think that would just offend her… so here I am at an impasse. Sigh. I think God just wants me to stop worrying about money.

Anyway, I finally decided to eat a lot of fresh fruit and a couple protein foods – some potatoes, eggs, and my luxury – biscuit and gravy. Gross I know, but for some odd reason, I really like biscuits. Sadly, I ended up eating more because I gradually felt more comfortable. I hope I did the right thing. I asked God either to make me feel less horrible, or to give me a way out of eating. So I guess He choose the first option which makes me think I have nothing to feel guilty about.

Then we went shopping at an old river town. It was mostly window shopping – although it made me unhappy all over again (sorry) because I was reminded of all the pretty things you can buy with money… and I started wanting them. Stupid nasty shopping. I bought one small gift for my roommate Emily which made me happy amidst all the silliness. All in all, it was a lovely trip, if I wasn’t such a normal covetous human.

Fun-filled Friday

Friday was our day at the salt mines! David and Stacy drove us along with the two boys. We went 650 feet under! It was fascinating. Ok I admit, I am a geologist geek. When I was small, I used to say “I want to grow up and be a geologist” What kind of kid says that?

Here's right before we went 650 ft down under

Here I am mining for salt - haha.

They keep lots of important records and Hollywood movies down there because the salt keeps things dry, it’s cool, and no earthquakes or tornados could ruin documents down there. I even saw a newspaper from the day after President Lincoln was shot! We went out to eat at a Mexican buffet with the unlikely name of the “The Anchor”.

Here is the original superman suit!

And here's that newspaper the day after Lincoln was shot. Pretty good condition? I bet you won't look that good after a 100 yrs. :)

Lots and lots of canisters full of Hollywood films...

Once home, we relaxed until it was time to head out for the Keith Urban concert. We had really high seats horizontal from the stage, so it was REALLY LOUD. I think my ears are permanently changed. J I’m afraid I didn’t enjoy the concert very much because I was super exhausted and slightly grumpy. Anything related to the media generally makes me discontent and full of turmoil especially right now. But it was still quite an experience I would not have missed.

Tizzy Thursday

Thursday morning Coop woke me up at 8:00 a.m. which I anticipated by leaving my phone on near me during the night. :) It was nice to get an early start. I had some devotions and got everything clean for them. I even made tea (don’t ask me why I would serve hot tea in a 100 degree weather, but Jo’s house is FREEZING, so even when it’s 100 outside, it feels like Christmas indoors). When they arrived at 10:45 a.m., they were full of questions. I thought I was going to pull out my midterm report and show them all the work I’ve been doing, but we got on another track altogether. I did show them bulletins from all the places I’ve been (and I’ve been to some pretty cool things) between day conferences on elder abuse, parish nurse training, grief facilitator work, and even a baby mortuary. I just about lost my voice and then realized it was 12:30 p.m. already! We went to Doc Green’s for lunch and had a grand old time. It was fun taking them places they had never been. Currently, I have a fetish for Doc Green’s. It’s just really yummy, soups, salads, and sandwiches. Marcia teased Coop for being a creature of habit by getting salad and Coop teased Marcia for being a creature of habit by calling him a creature of habit. However, Coop said that he didn’t think he had ever had a salad as good as his strawberry, pineapple, caramel glazed walnut, almond, and turkey salad that he created himself. On the way out of the house, they caught a picture of my ABSOLUTELY adorable niece*, so we got to talking about baby names since their expecting another grandchild. We laughed a lot. I don’t think I’ve had so much fun in a while. We came back home and they got to meet Jo and Marylie (since she was back to put the olive oil in the nonexistent glass vials that the package man was SUPPOSED to bring sometime that day). When we first arrived, everyone was on a phone respectively, so I took them downstairs to see my room and we got to looking at my baby photo album. Now they know more about my family than almost anyone! It made the visit even more special.

*For your benefit this is my REALLY CUTE NIECE.

Then after meeting Jo briefly, we hurried off to the church. They were wowed by the main sanctuary which we rushed by on the way to Cathy’s office. I promised them a better tour after our meeting. Coop mostly drilled Cathy on her background – well I shouldn’t say he drilled her, but he asked lots of questions in a friendly manner. Then Cathy gave us a brief tour of the church including the chapel. The stain glass is gorgeous. After she left, I ran them by the “hall of pastors” a drily amusing row of solemn looking men with strange beards that gradually look happier. Seeing that it was almost 4 o’clock, I dashed up to find Amy, and dashed back down to introduce Amy and Mercy. Joan just happened (coincidence… I think not) to come by at the same moment so I got to introduce her as well. So all in all, they got to meet everyone on the pastoral care team except Mary who was with her son of course. We split up, and Amy and I zoomed off to visit, E. It was a very interesting visit. I discovered that babies and grape juice and skirts don’t go together very well. Thankfully the grape juice blended nicely with my skirt (I’m serious!). Then Jo and I sped off to visit T. in the hospital, but she had already left, so we happily went home and collapsed for 30 minutes while I tried to decide where to take Coop and Marcia. (Note: this paragraph is full of verbs like “run, dash, zoom, and hurry”. I loved every minute of the bustle. Not one bit was stressful except trying to decide where to eat for dinner)

This was a big dilemma, because of course, I had to make the decision (Jo has taken it into her hands to make me a more decisive person). Plus, I knew that Coop was probably going to take the entire bill which made me fuss about expenses (aren’t I silly?). And finally, I was really torn between Italian and Chinese… I honestly didn’t know which one I wanted more. So after some help from Marcia, I agonizedly (not an adjective) decided on P.F. Changs (Chinese bistro). It was wonderful as always and the adults (oops that’s not supposed to include me!) talked up a storm. I mostly ate food and smiled. For the record, they do have vegetarian wraps (which I noted for Nick, Arielle, and Brian’s sake). Afterward, we took some pictures by the fountain (see picture) and Coop and Marcia bid me farewell much to my chagrin. I’m hoping they are having a delightful time with their family in other Midwestern states.

P.S. The glass vials finally turned up RIGHT before Marylie came and she put them together. Here's what they look like! Pretty nifty aye?

And the final product

Wacky Wednesday

Wednesday, what did we do that day? Oh, Jo got her tooth fixed that morning. What did I do? I had good devotions. I started to write the second article for second presby. (I think) I can’t remember what else… apparently it wasn’t very important. OH RIGHT.

Wednesday was my super scary day of Summer Splash. It was my day to meet the senior high and spring my project on them all at once. I had a hot dog and chili for lunch… now why I remember that beats me. Anyway, so we got to a late start and I felt like a complete dork rushing into the van where I figured “cool” teens would be in. I was shocked to find only three girls in the front and John in the back. (John is Geri’s 16 yr. old son so I knew his name already). I was really shy and just stared in silence at the scenery for the first 15 minutes. Finally after getting up my courage, I introduced myself to the girl sitting next to me. Her name was Sarah. I found out that she volunteers at the zoo and is super interested in wildlife. The two girls in front of me were Molly and Ashley. They all turned out to be super sweet. I think that if I can keep Ashley’s interest in the ministry then Molly will follow. John has to come since I need a boy and Ashley is his girl, so it should work out well. And Jackson, I believe, is Ashley’s younger brother.

He’s one of the middle schoolers that was helping out at the kids camp, but I finally connected him to Ashley. He started asking me all about parish nurses and getting confused. Lexi was cracking up at the two of us and told Jackson that she would explain it later, but I patiently got it down to the fact that if Jackson got a broken arm and was in the hospital, I would come and see him. Of course, later he figured out that I was leaving August 4th. He was like, “Wait I thought you were going to come see me. What if I get hurt in September?” I replied. “Jackson, if you end up in the hospital, you call me, and I’ll come see you.” Don't you wish I would tell you that? :) Sorry it only applies to really sweet middle schoolers.

I had them all laughing at the end. When we got back to the church, Geri said, Joveta isn’t here yet. What are you going to do?” I said,” Oh she’ll get here. I’ll wait out here” Geri was like… “Is that safe? What if a strange guy comes up to you?” I said, “I’ll do this HYAH” and karate kicked. Of course, Ashley had only seen the kick and she was like, "What are you guys talking about?" So I had to repeat the whole scenario and they all burst out laughing. :)

Wednesday night there were two incredible occurrences. First, I went on the porch to call my parents and discovered light streaming from the east. This would be a normal appearance… IF IT WAS MORNING. It hit me that the sun should be setting from the west, so I turned around and saw sun streaming from the west. Then I scratched my head and looked upward. INCREDIBLE. I saw sun streaming across the entire sky from west to east like a huge sunbow or something. I pulled Jo out to look and she said, “Lightning”. It was coming from the west. Then 30 minutes later, it was severe weather like you’ve never seen. Reports from the news warned us of baseball sized hail headed OUR WAY. Fortunately, (for roofs and cars) we only received quarter sized hail, but I was kind of hoping for golf ball sized.

Tumultuous Tuesday

Tuesday was pastoral care and staff meeting. We ended up talking a lot about our chaplain since her son is gravely ill. I rearranged my time to have her meet Coop and Marcia. Then we laughed a ton. Sometimes, you just have to have humor. We joked about hooking up two parishioners for conversational reasons (They’re both big talkers). Cathy says not to pattern my ministry after her, (because she’s so goofy) but I think she’s wonderful in many regards. At staff meeting they had a good laugh over my comment that my professor was coming up to make sure that I wasn’t being abused. :) Afterward, I got a chance finally to talk to Geri about going to summer splash and my “ministry to the benches” idea. She was excited about it and jumped right on board which made me excited.

Tuesday got super crazy in a couple minutes when the phone rang and family called needing help. They had a “young man” according to Jo (which made me laugh because he was like my brother's age and I don't think of my brother as a young man) who had a brain tumor and was about to die. The wife didn’t know how to tell the 5 yr. old daughter and wanted Jo’s advice. So she had to rush off in the middle of getting random computer stuff together for Marylie to work on. Instead, I had to put my brain to work and figure out how Avery works and print a million labels off.

It came together really quickly and nicely though. We started on Tuesday and I’m super glad a) Marylie was helping and b) I was helping too because it turned out to be a large project. I printed off 150 little write ups I created *(which I’ll post too) and then 150 labels. We put 150 labels on 150 little plastic bags in which we stuffed 150 little write ups which we cut more than 150 times to get the right size. :) It took at least two hours with the two of us. Then Jo came back and she and Marylie visited while I filled out my midterm report. Afterward, Jo and I went to visit our one person in the hospital. It turned out to be an hour long visit and we missed the ability to go shopping at T. for my mom. I was a little disappointed but figured I could bide my time.

* Here's what's in the little package

“Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”
~ John 12:3
To cleanse someone’s dirty, smelly feet is truly an act of a servant. Yet, our Lord Jesus Himself did it. As servant leaders, we should do as Mary did and pour out what is most precious to us – our time, money, talents, and love. We are to be the fragrance of life and hope. Let this vial of oil remind you both of God’s sacrifice and our response of loving service.

The long awaited... well LONG post.

Actually, this post is so incredibly long. I'm going to chop it up a bit. Here's the week in review.

Sunday- "Of Monks and Men"

So, like I said, it’s been a whirlwind of a week. Exactly one week ago (and I can’t believe it was all the way back then) I followed Amy, the associate pastor, to L. one of the nursing homes/residential homes for the elderly. We were giving a small communion service. Well, Amy was, I was just there for the food. :) P.S. Not all nursing homes serve bad food. Although I couldn’t deal with fried chicken and mashed potatoes all the time, they had these blueberries that were out of this world. Oh and I tried okra. It was kind of like a pickle and very tasty. Who would’ve thunk it?

Anyway, Amy and I had a fun conversation. I think that she’s the most like me out of all the pastoral care team. She’s also the youngest :). She said that it’s kind of funny being a young female pastor and being so conservative. I guess most young females are liberal. :) I told her that I can from an EPC church… evangelical Presbyterian and she said, “yeah I think that’s where I’m going to end up”. Then we got into a great discussion about infant baptism because I brought up the reasons I’m not a member at our church at home. She’s so cute. “With Obadiah, I thought we were dodging the bomb, since when we came to the church he was a year old, and they probably thought he was already baptized. But having a child is different. (She gave birth to Mercy six weeks ago). People sent me baptismal dresses and keep asking me when we’re going to get her baptized. I don’t really know, but what my one friend said keeps haunting me. He said that he felt like his baptism was robbed from him.” Not to open a can of worms or anything... baptism is another one of those things that I don't think is necessary for everyone to absolutely agree on to still be part of one body, but that's just my opionion. I believe something and I won't change... and you probably believe something else and won't change... but I bet we'll both end up on the right side of Jersalem. :)

Another thing she said made me smile, “We (my husband and I) wanted to be nun and monk respectively”

Sometimes I think I’d like to find a guy that considered being a monk.

Bustle - The hurry kind, not lady's fake behind

It's been pretty busy around here. I have so many stories to relate! I can't begin much now because we're off to mass (outdoor quiet time for me!) and then Kansas City. I get to see the Flint Hills! I'm so excited... they are reputed to be gorgeous. In brief passing, I will note that our chaplain's son was extremely ill this week which made things even crazier. Coop and Marcia came and I had the most wonderful time with them. I did summer splash and met the senior high/sprung on them my idea for ministry to the benches. It was not easy. I don't like just meeting people and jumping them. :) But it turned out pretty well. I was doing karate kicks by the end of the trip and making them fall over in laughter. Senior high aren't as scary as I remember. Teehee. Also we went to the salt mines AND saw Keith Urban yesterday. I am overtired, oversensitive, and therefore extremely grumpy... but hopefully I'll be able to conquer it because we have a two hour drive ahead of us! I brought two books and earphones just in case I get a super bad attack. I must confess. I generally run away from things that bother me. Maybe I am a coward... or maybe I'm just fleeing the temptation to destroy people with words! :) James is right when he says the tongue is powerful. I used to have a huge temper. I still do... but I've tamed it considerably (you all nod thankfully... espcially my parents) I'll never forget when I threw a temper tantrum at my first and only large birthday party because everyone took home a balloon and there were none left that I liked. Did I mention I'm also really selfish. Then again... aren't we all. Praise God that He preserves us and keeps us salty. Yeah... those salt mines were pretty cool. I'll post pictures as soon as I can. Ok I gotta run.

Love,
Katie

I'm candy and he's ice cream....

Today was punctuated by excel spreadsheeting, printing (hot off the press) my newest brochure on prayer labyrinths, apples and peanut butter at 2:00 for lunch, and most of all... taking JoVeta's grandson Levi out for shopping and dinner. I fell in love again. There's something so uncomplicated about little boys... that I wish translated when they got older. He had me holding him by the hand and dragging him through the bookstore before the night was over. It went something like this....

I was bent over looking at some books and he pops up. "There you are! I was looking all over for you. I went back there... and then I came back here and it was like... there you were" (He talks very fast)

JoVeta "Ok come on... we need to go."
Me still looking at books.
Levi "Are you coming???"
Me "Yeah... I told you I liked books. You're going to have to drag me out"
Levi "DRAG ME!"



After that our conversation took a turn for the goofy. We were waiting in line for JoVeta to purchase some books and Levi saw candy. Then he started pointing at everything and calling it candy.

*Points at chocolate* Candy!
Yup...
*Points at a bag* Candy!
Maybe for holding candy... I amend
*Points at sunglasses* Candy!
For looking at candy I say...
*Points at the huge plastic divider in the entrance of the store* BIG Candy...
I laugh.

So when we walked out of the store... I point at him and say, "CANDY!!! Watch out... I'm going to eat you!" And pull some silly pose like I am going to grab him and stuff him in my mouth. He giggles like crazy and then pulls the same trick on me. *Points at me* ICE CREAM! Ice cream is apparently both of our favorite food. Quote - It's my favorite food, my favorite dessert, my favorite snack - End quote. (And according to Arielle it also functions as a vegetable. I think we're in business)

I'm doing better at stress. Today's biggest stress was what kind of creative gift can we make for the parish nurse conference (150 people) that relates to servant leadership. It's a lot harder than you would think... especially when there are about 12 crafts that have already been used. Bookmarks are out, seeds are out, nail crosses out, little medicine bottles with slips of "daily" scripture... out, magnets are out, keychains out... well you get the picture. So finally, I used an idea from Barnabas training. In the beginning, we had a service where we received small vials of olive oil with which we were anointed. For this case, I will write up a note reminding everyone of the way Mary anointed Jesus with oil/perfume. As servants we are to pour out what is most precious to us before the Lord - our time, our talents, our inheritance - you name it. And we are to be a fragrance of life and hope to others. I think it's a beautiful little reminder. Plus, it's actually useful. You can always pull it out and anoint someone who's having a really difficult time and say... this is a reminder of how the Lord of Heaven and Earth gave himself up for us... and He is faithful.

I also got one lovely email from Deanna, one snail mail letter from my grandparents, and one treasured phone callf rom Sarah. Today was yet another day of special gifts. :)

Love you all
Katie

Speechless

Ok... so fireworks ain't illegal in KS. I am entirely and compeltely surrounded by popping and fizzing and screaming. I'M HAVING THE MOST EXHILERATING and TERRIFYING TIME OF MY LIFE... SERIOUSLY . You have no idea! I'm absolutely stymied. Coming into the neighborhood we saw a firetruck... somehow I'm not surprised. JoVeta doesn't like all the noise... so I'm out on the front porch alone... having the time of my life. It could NOT get better... not if I had a boyfriend... not if my family was here... not if I won a million dollars... it's me and God... and boy is he treating me to something special! Ok well... maybe if my family was here. But this is the craziest thing ever. More crazy than the roller coaster! Gotta keep watching the show. I'll post some videos later!
Yours truly,
Owl eyes

Testing 1..2..3..

Hello world!
I think everyone fell off the face of the earth. I haven't gotten emails, my parents just went up north (out of phone range), michael jackson is dead... lol.

Well anyway, I want to talk about gifts. I think this internship is one streak of gifts. Tonight God dropped in my lap a gorgeous chamber recital. I heard two of the most amazing mandolin players - Mike Marshall and Caterina Lichtenberg. Sometimes I feel more like I'm on a honeymoon than an internship. The more I take time with God, the more He treats me. It's like He's always told me, "if you would just let me... I'll give you more than you can imagine." It's not really so much that He gives me anything different... it's just that I am more able to see what He's doing. I take less and less for granted. Each run is special because I know the sunset I see was a once in a lifetime special creation... with it's spectator (me) in thought. I don't mean to sound self-centered. I know that God creates sunsets for everyone to enjoy... but He does know that I'll be running along at that certain time, ready to see and appreciate. Music takes me to the heart of God. It is haunting, it takes you places, it can make you dream, weep, hope, renew. Those are things of God.

During the intermission, we walked over a bridge with beautiful lilies - the pink kind that spring up from the lily pad. JoVeta's friend handed me a beautifully packaged truffle. How did he know that I had been craving just that? He didn't, but God did. Again, I feel really spoiled. (I should... that was a $2 truffle!) Then we got stuck talking to another friend... who had a beautiful daughter who had just come from spending a year in Africa. I had fun just enjoying how beautiful she was. She must have had red hair but it was hard to tell because it was in delicate little corn rows. She was dressed in a white skirt, with a beautiful beaded belt with shell flowers, and elegant brown sandles and pretty brown earrings. It complimented her fair skin and freckles so well that it just made me smile.

God loves us so much. If we could just rejoice in the gifts He has created as much as He does... we would be so much more glorious.

Be radiant in God's joy today. Look for His gifts. They will literally just start flooding into your lap. That's not to say life isn't without its pain. Just keep your eyes open through it. Don't shut them... there's no time to waste!

Liberal* Minstry

*And by liberal... I do not mean radical left wingism* But I thought it might catch your eye.

I was trying to get a word that grasped the breadth of the matter. Synonyms for liberal actually include lavish and generous (I know right? How on earth did liberals get so far from their own definition? Everyone can do their own thing... except Christians. "Oh wait... you can't talk about God... and you can't talk to him either") AHEM. *Sorry*

Politics aside. I titled my post in such a way because I am learning that the diameter of ministry practically stretches from east to west. Monday I attended a meeting entitled "Task Force on Ministry to the Poor in our Neighborhood" You think the title's a mouthful? You should have been at the meeting! Anyway, the main speaker was a lady from Open Doors which kind of reminds me of Guiding Light (even though I really don't know the details of Guiding Light). Open Doors targets the homeless and disenfranchised so to speak. They have clothing, financial counseling, a place for healthcare, housing and other referral services. You've probably all met similar minstries.

But what struck me was when the lady speaking said "When I was in seminary, I never thought I'd be a landlord" Here she is managing about nine small houses worrying about plumbing and other random housekeeping things. A lot of us are headed toward seminary... but that is only the tip of our adventures. There is such a rich and varied life ahead of us. Prepare to be amazed!

Today we closed on the estate for C., JoVeta's friend who died last year. On the way, she said... this is ministry too. As far as it seems from ministry, it is also a part of my ministry. I've told a couple people that one of my goals is to be the best neighbor possible. I also want to be the best friend, the best mother (even if I don't get married) and the best nurse that I can be. I am pretty sure that I am not going to be a pastor, but I want to be a minister to as many people as possible. Neighborhoods are great places to make relationships, because you're around the same people. See someone regularly? Try and make a trusting relationship with them... and sometime check on their soul state. Throw out some of Ren's questions... or your own to get them talking. Everyone likes to talk about themsevles. Then plant the gospel in whatever way you can - even if it's just. I believe in Jesus Christ who died and rose again so that I could be saved. :)

As a result of that meeting, I now appear to be spearheading the "Bench Ministry"* We have locked gates around the church because otherwise everyone would come in and use the bathroom... so to be more friendly there are benches right outside the gates in the front of the church. LOTS of people lounge out there. The easiest way to minister to them is to go out and talk to them! But as we can't even get the deacons to pray with members in hospice (too scary!), JoVeta didn't even want to bring up the suggestion. However, I thought it was a great idea, and we both realized that I'm more gungho about this idea because I'm "young" and used to charging into relationships (haha). I also have a good knowledge of mental illness and won't be too alarmed by people exhibiting strange behavior. I'll know when to get out. Of course, I'm not dumb enough to do this on my own, nor would JoVeta let me, but who am I to get to join me when there are no other people my age?

The unsuspecting ADOLESCENT of course. I am currently stalking and ready to pounce... (uh you might have spent too much time in Africa Katie). My plan is to do a crash prep course on what to expect, what to say, what to do, what NOT to do... and then spend a couple of afternoons with some senior high out on the benches. Sounds like fun right? I'm PUMPED... ew did I just say that? I serverely dislike that word. I'M EXCITINATED!

*Note - we joked seriously on how this is not a ministry to the benches. We figured the benches would be very bored by our message. End note.

Art Gallery

Jewels on a Leaf I



Mad Scientist's Brain (aka a walnut)



Jewel's on a Leaf II (I can't quite get the cool reflection right)



Deserted Beauty





Dragon's Eye (Jewel's on a Leaf III)

The show

So... fireworks are legal here in KS. They're going off right now actually :) Yesterday was pretty sweet. In one direction, there was a man made show... in the other direction there was a super awesome lightning storm going on. I felt God as like "Well I INVENTED fireworks!" cept I don't think He was that sarcastic. :) One lightning bolt rocked the entire car that I was sitting in at a stoplight. I was pretty excited. Something about lightning. I like a little bit of danger. I hope that someone finds out I'm not a complete bore.

Two neighbor guys run their own cologne shop from their house via internet. Anyway, I was investigating this... um THING... that sounds like a cross between a woodcock and a cicada (It must be some kind of bug). But I was creeping around looking like an idiot... and those guys were out, so I said hi to cover up my weird behavior and be friendly. And somehow (ironically... after my post) they got to asking whether I drank. When I said... no... not really. They were like, "Oh... what do you do for fun?"And I was like... uh... well I read books" LAME I know. But I was flustered. I should have been like....

Aww man.. I can't even come up with a good come back now. There are two chittering swallows in a mud nest above my head. I can't concentrate with them arguing so. It must be their fault. :)

Seriously though... I need a good come back for explaining the AWESOMENESS of WHOA.... I just got distracted by a spider spinning a web above me. Gosh, the world is just such a fun place when you stop and look at the details. That's what I'm talking about. I have plenty of fun without drinking. Why drink when there are swallows arguing... and spiders weaving beauty... and lightning raising the hair on your neck (not to mention your heartbeat) and people always getting into new trouble. :)

God's work... His show is heartstoppingly dangerous and exciting. I mean it's not everyone who gets to help build a kingdom. Not even super heroes are in the business of saving souls from THE most devious schemer in the universe. Not everyone has the eyes to see the beauty in everything and push people toward that beauty. Not everyone realizes that they are loved unconditionally by the creator of the stars. But they need to! Oh God... they need to!

Help us to remember that we are warriors Lord... we are fighting a battle for lives. We are not brave or courageous... but you call us to be. Let us put on the armour of God - 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. 19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephsians 6:14-19

Full House

Here's a picture of me and Joveta...

Then Molly was miffed that we didn't have her in it... so here's the full house!

Grief

Today I did a full day of training for facilitating grief groups. I learned a lot. Every day I'm amazed by how much I don't know! Most of the time, it's things that I've already taken to heart because of an awesome mother... who's also a walking encyclopedia/the queen of common sense. However, I'm still amazed by my own ignorance.

What was born out of today is an idea to start a grief support group at Calvin. I don't know if we already have one... but one led by students would be pretty sweet. I'm already laden with a bunch of really cool ideas. I want to start painting my rocks already! See... in one of the activities you take out rocks one at a time. Each rock has a feeling painted on it... like HURT... or POWERLESS... or guilty... or tired. Then you pass the rock around and whoever is holding it can "own the feeling" and talk about why they feel that way... or pass the rock on. At the end, you can put all the rocks back into a bag and then have each person carry the bag. (These are fairly hefty rocks by the way). You can say... see how heavy it is? Imagine if you tried to carry all that around without unpacking some of it! How would you feel? That's why it's so important to talk about how you feel with people you trust. Ok so maybe it's a children's activity... but I think it would help me. It's fun just to hold the stones in your hand.

Anyway, it seems that a lot of my interests have one common theme. You have to be a really good listener. I did as a Barnabas, I did as a nursing student, even in SWAT you have to listen well (that's my improv group by the way). Being a good listner is difficult. You have to express connection, but not take over the conversation. You have to be empathetic without being sympathetic. You have to bite your tongue about 7 million times. And number one, you have to remember that you CAN'T FIX things. The rule in counseling or facilitating is always that the clients have to fix themselves... but in the greater scheme of things (aka with eyes of faith) we have to remember that we can't fix people - only God can do that.

Well enough rambling. I thought I would write three posts to make up for the writer's block I had since Tuesday :)

Love and prayers to all (hey if I'm praying for random unknown people hurt/struggling by alcohol... then I'm definitely praying for you too!)
Katie

I have an answer...

For years, I've refused alcohol. For 20 years, it's because I've been underaged. Not breaking the law is cool...

I've been thinking about this for a good amount of time. People like to harass me... why won't you have a glass of wine? Are you afraid of it? Are you being a snit? (Don't ask me... I just made that word up. It's a word that describes how some people make me feel).

I refuse perhaps permanently to drink alcohol... because it's my prayer. I hate the stuff. I have seen too much pain over it. I have seen too many anguished people whose marriages are breaking up because one of them is an alcoholic. I have seen too many broken hearted mothers and fathers whose child has died from a drunk driver. I have seen too many hurting girls who have been raped because of the influence of alcohol. I have seen too many people abusing others, acting stupid, and dying because of it.

Let's back up. I'm NOT stupid. I realize that it's the people's choice and not the alcohol that is evil. However, for many people, alcohol is kind of like sin. You wet your foot (or your tongue) and think... ooo very nice. And then all of a sudden you're drowning. So why tempt yourself?

When I refuse alcohol, it's my prayer that if someone around me is struggling to not drink, that I will give them enough bolster to refuse a drink as well. I extrapolate it even further. When I refuse to drink, I remember all the people that have been hurt by alcohol and I fight back for them... not just in the act, but in prayer. When I am with friends, I'd rather figgle (aka: food giggle. Arielle made that word up because I get really happy when I eat) than get really happy on a drink. And what other reason is there to drink it than to be social and feel a little happier? I really don't think I'm missing that much and if I am? Well there's always heaven.

Thank you for listening. Now you can call me a snit. :)

Yours crying out for the world
Katie

Work hard play hard

Well, no one can say that I'm being worked to death! JoVeta has planned for us to see a play directed by her (?) grandson I think, we're going to try to see UP tomorrow if it's still in theaters, we're scheduled to visit the salt mines July 10th, and we're going to a Keith Urban concert... so can somebody tell me who the heck he is and what I should expect? :) I love being out of the media loop. That's all for this post. I mainly just wanted to ask who Keith Urban was. :) I'm writing short posts in a series so as not to overwhelm you. It's like... um... pizza rolls :)

My sudden new thought for the day...

Currently I think the most terrifying thing about God is His choice to give us choice. It’s terrifying because of the vicious depravity it made possible…and because of the raw and immense pain God opened Himself up to. A God who can choose to be gouged with such ferocious sin and rebellion… is terrifying. With one eye shut the choice looks like weakness, but with both eyes open it has an inhuman strength to it. What it proves is that God is wholly other… or Holy. He is waiting with an everlasting patience, bearing every anguish that humans experience, so that we might choose Him again… and again.


The next most terrifying thing is my ability to choose sin over God -despite the way it deeply wounds God and despite the judgment that hangs over my head. We all live under the guillotine so to speak – the only difference is that Jesus is holding it back for Christians. So although I am spared, each choice of sin I make swells the judgment that came down on Christ. Someone once wrote that our sin held Jesus to the cross… I’m beginning to see the enormity of the truth in that. Sometimes I think that I sin mostly because I’m so careless. Maybe it would help me choose God over sin if I remembered every morning the judgment Christ is upholding from coming down over my head… and that any choice apart from God adds more weight and pain to that judgment.

I was reading Oswald Chambers (Boy he doesn’t mince his words). He says this about sin. “If sin rules in me, God’s life in me will be killed; if God rules in me, sin will be killed. There is no possible ultimate but that. The climax of sin is that it crucified Jesus and what is true in the history of God on earth will be true in your history and in mine”. WHEW. Once in a while it’s nice to have those black and white moments. It frees me to BATTLE. You cannot have two masters… when I choose sin… I am killing or x-ing out God’s life. So YAHHHHH I had better wake up and fight! I don’t want to be spit out as lukewarm because I was careless and sleepy. (You know those sleepy days where you’re like… eh. I can let my mind wander… not think about the admirable and praiseworthy things. Eh I can complain about this annoying woman. Eh… I can read this stupid People magazine. It can’t hurt). But it sure can. Pretty soon all your head is full of is complaints, scandal, gossip, and half naked men or women. Heh… sorry my complaint is magazines. But anyway, there’s no point any even dwelling two seconds on those things. There are people to pray for, praises to sing, thanks to give, peace to receive, joy to laugh, terrifying aspects of God to ponder… well you get the picture. This morning, I spent outside instead of in the dark adoration chapel. With the world flung beneath me (I was kind of on this hill) I burbled praises up to the blue sky with no one but God to hear. It was lovely. I thought maybe that I could go on singing forever.

Just making the choice to praise instead of curse can set you back on the path to peace and righteousness and win the battle over sin for a moment.

Chronicles

Today: I had the first moment of jubilee "on the job" so to speak. JoVeta and I had a meeting with someone who has a grant to do research with a children's program. They are trying to get these great books about recognizing child illnesses (when to go to the doctor versus when it's ok to be at home etc) distributed. However, since it's research, it's complicated by pre and post surveys. Many of the parish nurses trying to get the books out are getting frustrated by a lack of partcipation and interest. As I was listening to their conversation, all of a sudden a thought came in unbidden. Then an order came. "Speak" So out tumbled my incomplete thought, "You know when we did surveys at my college, sometimes it helped if there was some kind of incentive" I can't even remember how the conversation went after that... but it seemed like ideas really started flowing. We talked about possible getting nursing student in the fall to help out. Now it's my job to write up a job description. Spanish speakers are preferred (also due to some of my comments).

What I've realized about changing the world is that if you have the right situation... it's really quite easy. All it takes is a fertile ground and a bunch of interested and committed people. Ha. That's the hard part... "the right situation" - fertile ground and interested/committed people. That's why I think it really depends on the Lord. I had no idea what I was going into this morning, but God did... and He was pretty excited about it. All of the rich college education you have had... all of the life experiences you've gained (painfully sometimes)... all of your gifts and dreams are valuable... and can be sowed into other's lives to really make a difference. Don't get discouraged, you never know what piece of you God wants to use to bring about shalom - wellness, wholeness, and flourishing.

Sunday: Church was fun. All the kids from camp yelled "KATIE!" and gave me hugs. I introduced myself to Alli's grandmother and she reached out and asked if she could touch my hair. She said "You are so pretty... I'm not quite blind... but..." and then touched both sides of my head. I had compliments from moms and little girls on my dress. (You know you have a good dress when BOTH the moms and the little girls like it) My mom says that I better learn that I'm beautiful. We had brunch at Granite City... it was amazing (I mean, who has ribs at brunch? JoVeta says that Tim and Sam love going to Granite City... because it has huge hamburgers. The brunch was all you could eat... and I was stuffed after one plate!) and expensive (I'm still not used to going out to eat!). I went for a run, but it just about killed me. I went a little too early when the sun was still out and the humidity was like 90%. EHHH

Saturday: I can't really remember what I did that day. However, I did something really cool that evening. I went and served at the Lord's Diner. The Lord's Diner is this amazing place that serves the homeless and lower income people food 365 days a year! It's paid for with donations and grants. They must serve 100-200 people every day. It's mad crazy. I served desserts. One man said that he'd take some jello, but my smile was better. After all the compliments I've had in my life... you would think that I would have great esteem... or a big head :) Hmmm (pats head) I think it's still the same size.

Friday: Oh my gosh... I completely forgot! I spent all of Thursday and Friday with the kids at VBS. That's right! There was so much I wanted to say... but I'm getting exhausted. Let's see. My shouldars still ache from doing "underdogs". I swear that kids' favorite phrase is "WATCH ME!" Sometimes I felt torn by five different little kids yelling "KATIE! Look at me!" I felt some progress at the two little boys I've fallen in love with. I seem to fall for the troubled ones. I told you about Brandon before. He's the little one that couldn't blow bubbles and was worried about the bugspray. He also draws pictures of people blowing up people in every means possible. Thursday he told me that my dive off the diving board was awesome. I said thanks off handedly right before he dove underwater. When he came up, I heard a faint "your welcome". I almost fell over in the water with surprise. It's not that he's rude... it was just icing on the cake for him. His brother Kollin is just a year or two older than him... and just as much a troublemaker. But the Friday, I thought my heart would break. Somehow the kids all know what "year" according to the Chinese calendar that they were born it. It was the funniest thing when they all erupted with "I'm a rat!" "I'm a dog" etc. Anyway, Kollin was like "my mom's a monkey" and Xoi was eating a banana. She decided to say... "You should give her this banana. She'll like it if she's a monkey" Of course she was joking, but it hit Kollin funny. I think maybe it's because of complicated family part of their life. At any rate, he had tears that rose and stood in his eyes. I valiantly tried to pretend I didn't see... and made Xoi apologize even though I knew she didn't "mean it". Boy did I just want to sweep him up and hold him tight.

I taught Xoi how to braid and how to play string games Jacob's ladder... cat's cradle... the works. In fact, I had five kids learning how by the end of bus ride. Kollin got as far as "cat's whiskers" and told me the next day that he still had the string. Xoi dragged me to meet her mother because she talks about me so much that her mom wanted to meet me. Phoenyx regularly throws his arms around me.

It's funny how the past haunts you. I called Phoenyx, Conner because he reminds me of a little red head that I used to swim with. I think that Patrick looks like a Brian because of my 5th grade love... and I'm pretty sure that Justin was supposed to be a Patrick. He's this slim middle schooler (one of the counselors) with long curly blond hair. He looks so much like someone out of a movie. I had it figured out at one point... but I've lost it. He also talks with a bit of a drawl that so reminds me of someone. I've got to figure this out. He's another one I've fallen in love with. (Yes Nick... you're right... you fall in love when you least expect it) but seeing that he's at least 7 years my junior :) Well let's just say I love them all - pretty equally. I'll put up pictures of camp if I get them.

Anyway, that should probably be all for now. I've done quite a bit once again. (Sorry Blake... I'm not doing to well on the chilling out) I knew that I would be happier doing something with a set schedule Thursday and Friday. Luckily, it was as much fun as it was work.

Popsicles

This evening was interrupted wonderfully by JoVeta's son and grandson. Sam is the famous grandchild who had part of his finger snapped off in a game of tug of war when the roped broke. Intense I know! I've seen it with my own eyes. It's not as bad as you would think... but it still looks pretty awful. Basically the pad behind the nail of his left ring finger is ripped off (and his finger's broken). Anyway, they came to fix JoVeta's tree which was bent to a 45 degree. Here we all are (minus me since I'm taking the picture). I thought you'd enjoy a picture of JoVeta finally! It's not a great pciture of anyone... but I felt funny snapping too many pictures - I mean I'm not the popparazzi or anything... whew I can't even spell that. So anyway, I had a fun moment... JoVeta went to get stakes and rope so Mike, Sam, and I were hanging out aimlessly. I was furiously trying to figure out some way to make them feel welcome and at home when I remembered we had bought popsicles at the grocery store (my request). I dashed inside and grabbed the box feeling full of trepidation. "I HOPE they'll accept them" I thought, "I always feel so rejected when I try to do something nice and people aren't on the same wavelength". Lucky me, they accepted the popsicles as happily as I gave them. I love this family so much already!

I officially met them on Friday when we dropped by to pick up some things and ended up having a lovely steak, potatoes, and brussel sprout dinner. Mike was delighted that I liked brussel sprouts (thank you grandfather and grandmother). (I had seconds - I must be one of the only people in the world that likes asparagus and spinach and brussel sprouts). They wanted to introduce me to Bridget (she's 21 just like me) but she's a counselor at the camp Sam was at when he injured his finger. However, they convinced her to come home July 1st to meet me which I thought was really sweet since I really am lonely for people my age. I haven't met one yet! I guess lonely wouldn't be quite the right word, because I must say that I'm enjoying this time on my own... but bored would be a good word. There's no one to confide in or laugh like mad with... that's why I eat up my time with the kids at church. Anyway, Bridget and I are apparently a lot alike - she wants to go to Africa and she loves playing soccer too. :)

Here are some more pictures of the house. Mom you're going to smile :)

This is the kitchen - it's the first view I saw coming into the house from the garage.

This is part of the living room. There's a big couch to the left that I'm currently sitting on composing this. I haven't taken pictures of my room yet, but I should. It's really nice. Ok well, that's it for this post. I'll post another one in a minute because there's just so much to catch up on.

R. I. P. BECAUSE IT'S FIXED!

"Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

You may all rest in peace because my computer has been raised from the dead! Apparently, it had a terrible dustbunny... not surprising since the condition of my room was extremely dusty. It also had a virus... but the little Russian techie said it was less of a problem than the dust bunny. Thank you very much for all of your prayers. I have been very calm this week.

Let's see... I have lots more to tell... but I can't concentrate at all.

BTW - BTK

By the way... now that I've caught you up on the week's news, I still need to process today. Today I learned more than I wanted to know about BTK. Bind Torture and Kill - the local serial killer from Wichita. Thankfully, he's behind bars... and he's been there for a while. JoVeta likes to tell me outrageous stories. Most of what I have to process is what we discuss. :)

Anyway, it turns out this BTK was the president on a board of another Lutheran church. (Yetta says that Lutheran churches just don't seem to be doing well). JoVeta says that it isn't Lutherans... (of course not) that churches are full of hypocrites and it could happen to any church. She mourns the fact that there seems to be no safe place. She also said that God works amazingly (because the pastor of the church where BTK was - has been able to minister greatly to the pastor of Yetta's church). Sometimes I get tired of her saying that God is so good. I am trying to figure out why. I like saying that God is good. Sometimes I think that I just hate it when people act like me because I want to go on thinking that I am unique. See what a terrible person I am? No more terrible that anyone else (I am getting better at not beating myself up) Other times, I think it's because I feel like we're talking about two different beings. She talks about God with so much confidence... and I feel like I can never get my mind around Him. He's always bigger than I think. He is good... but when I say it... I say it with a touch of awe. She says it like He's her next door neighbor. When I think about it in my head - I think it's a good thing. She is absolute in her confidence of him. And at her age... I think that's appropriate. Is it possible to be too confident in God? That seems like a ridiculous question. Maybe I'm just not used to other people talking about God so familiarly. It's what I want! I've always complained that people don't share how God is working in their life enough.

That's another thing that happened this school year. I got completely "religioused out". I was so lectured out that I couldn't stand to put one more fact in my head... not even a sermon. Everything just seems the same. I don't feel like I can learn any more head knowledge. I just need all the head knowledge to go to the heart. It's working... in the most biblical ways. I knew that when I felt the need to read James that I was in for it.

James starts out "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials and temptations of every kind" Oh boy... I'm going to spoil the Thursday email... but here goes. Right before my computer crashed I read Paul's words from Corinthians (I think)

"In our hearts, we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God, who raises the dead" 2 Cor 1:9. It came back to me in my hysterics the night my computer went. The next day I wrote it out again. "In our heart's we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead" Even a dead computer Lord? That was my question. The main point though... is not whether God will raise my dead computer, but whether I will rely on the Lord. I realized right away how important my computer was to me... and how much I relied on it. It held communication to my friends and family, it held achievements and papers I wrote for school, it held stories and dreams and poems I wrote... it seemed to hold everything. And then I thought... I must AT LEAST rely on God more than I seem to rely on this computer. It really does feel like a sentence of death to lose what you love... physical death sentences would be more terrible - but in the end it comes down to what you love. Do you love God- or something/someone else? You cannot love both. And God raises the dead. That's like whoa! :)

OK I had more to say, but I'm exhausted and it's late. So I bid you adieu. None of the last two entries were particularly coherent. I would hone the writing, but what the heck... I said I'd give you truth and nails. It doesn't have to be perfect :)