Oh to the weary
Who stare at computer screens
Red eyes bleary
And need 1000 espresso beans
Oh to the somnolent
Who need to plan and think
While sleep hangs redolent
And eyes of sand bags sink
Oh to the empty-headed
On futile hunt for motivation
No path before them breaded
May they find inspiration
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Rocking Architecture
Thought maybe you should see what I'm working with!
Pretty amazing right? This is just the backside... and wait till you see the inside!
The main sanctuary... whew!
Here you can see the high vaulted dome
Lots and LOTS of painstakingly gorgeous stained glass
Pretty amazing right? This is just the backside... and wait till you see the inside! The main sanctuary... whew! The gorgeous organ which is in use!
Here you can see the high vaulted dome Lots and LOTS of painstakingly gorgeous stained glassMonday, July 20, 2009
Help Wanted:
Hello Jubilee Fellows in particular. I need to obtain as many types of spiritual assessment quizzes I can get my hands on. If you've taken one... or know of one... please help me get a hold of a copy. This is kind of tricky.... because I'm not necessarily looking for spiritual gifts assessments. I don't need to find out if people are prophets... but rather what characteristics they have that can help build up the church.
Thanks so much in advance!
Thanks so much in advance!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Stretch Marks
A friend recently asked me what stretches me most in this internship. I thought it was a very apt question and deserved a post of its own because most of my challenges come from MYSELF
EDIT: My mom stretches me the most... lol. Aka she worries about me being too open and cyberspace... and well you know the works. That's ok. I like to respect her and honor her by editing this post. Besides, I've found a celebrity whose parents worry over cyberspace... and had a "no dating till 16" rule too. So I'm not alone. (thank goodness... I really thought I might be).
But if you want to full story, just as me! Here's the really abbrv. version and I don't know how to abbreviate abbreviate. Brandon, help?
So when asked about what stretches me the most.
It’s not being thrown into an unknown state for ten weeks and living with a stranger who becomes your family
It’s not being in a church where there is not one person my age
It’s not having to speak to senior high about drugs and alcohol
It’s not having to give a lecture about parish nursing to adults
It’s not grieving over broken lives
It’s not wondering at the immensity of what God wants for my life
It’s not cranky humanity that doesn’t want to be helped
It’s ME. I give myself the biggest challenge– how I see things, whether I trust God even when I can’t feel him, whether I choose joy over shame and despair, whether I believe people care about me even when I feel so alone, whether I realize that other people are only grumpy because I started it, whether I learn that even when it’s my fault, I don’t have to judge myself into the ground.
Arise – arise my soul. Shake off your guilty fears and rise!
EDIT: My mom stretches me the most... lol. Aka she worries about me being too open and cyberspace... and well you know the works. That's ok. I like to respect her and honor her by editing this post. Besides, I've found a celebrity whose parents worry over cyberspace... and had a "no dating till 16" rule too. So I'm not alone. (thank goodness... I really thought I might be).
But if you want to full story, just as me! Here's the really abbrv. version and I don't know how to abbreviate abbreviate. Brandon, help?
So when asked about what stretches me the most.
It’s not being thrown into an unknown state for ten weeks and living with a stranger who becomes your family
It’s not being in a church where there is not one person my age
It’s not having to speak to senior high about drugs and alcohol
It’s not having to give a lecture about parish nursing to adults
It’s not grieving over broken lives
It’s not wondering at the immensity of what God wants for my life
It’s not cranky humanity that doesn’t want to be helped
It’s ME. I give myself the biggest challenge– how I see things, whether I trust God even when I can’t feel him, whether I choose joy over shame and despair, whether I believe people care about me even when I feel so alone, whether I realize that other people are only grumpy because I started it, whether I learn that even when it’s my fault, I don’t have to judge myself into the ground.
Arise – arise my soul. Shake off your guilty fears and rise!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Good musings
One thing I know that I’ve learned this internship is that I’m extremely talented. Haha. I don’t mean that in a conceited way. I’ve just begun to realize that I can do a ton of things, and that is part of the problem when trying to describe the future to people. They’re like… "So what do you want to do after this internship?" I launch into a big description until their eyes start to glaze over. Oops. I did it again. It’s not my fault I’d like to be a midwife, nurse practitioner, researcher, music therapist, chaplain, high school counselor, masseuse, grief facilitator, oncologist, orphanage owner, adoption coordinator, missionary, soccer playing mom.
The worst problem I have is that I would like change the world in some big way. Percy Jackson would describe this as hubris (not to be confused with hummus). It’s a fancy word for pride (thinking you could do better/save the world/etc.)… which is the grand human sin after all. Actually, I have to confess – “change the world” is my fall back plan. (Don't choke on your diet coke - throw it away, it's rotting your teeth and eating out your liver). I’d much rather get married and raise a joyful family and change the world in small, nondescript ways. Doing something huge to change the world would only be to make up for the fact nobody thought I was worth pursing. It would be to fill the huge ache in my heart. And that’s not a very good plan. (Because everyone knows that you can't fill a hole without a shovel. Er well everyone should know that you can't fix love problems with work. Enough chick flicks should prove that, even if chick flicks are a bunch of bunk.)
But I’ve completely derailed from my main point.
The main point is that this internship has provided me with a huge sense of peace. Most of the year, I wrestled with the feeling that I was going off a huge cliff. I was about to enter a world full of overwhelming choices and I had to make a choice of what I was going to do. The pressure got worse when it seemed like I was going to have to make a choice with something that I really wouldn’t enjoy – something that would squeeze the life and joy out of me. I’ve realized or been reminded of two things. First, my life will (hopefully) be long, in which case, there will be plenty of time for God to lead me all over the place. The nice thing about living with an older person like JoVeta is that you are reminded of how many things you can do in a lifetime. Currently, I picture God taking me to hospitals, houses, positions of all types, countries, etc. I think he’ll utilize every single one of my gifts – art, music, intelligence, humor, skill with children, and great compassion. It’s still VERY frustrating not being able to know which direction He’ll take me, but it just proves the importance of being constantly prepared and ready to go wherever He leads.
Secondly, I’ve been reminded that any place God puts me will not suck the life out of me. It may be hard and painful, but it will not be life-sucking. God gives life – evil gives death. As long as I stay close in proximity to Him – as long as I keep praying – as long as I make room for Him in my life – He will fill me. So even if I end up in some non-descript med-surg floor, on the worst shift, with horrible nurses, and make terrible mistakes – even then I’ll still be gratified by doing God's work and helping the patients who are my priority. And even if I can’t help them the way I would like, I can always listen, always pray, and God will take care of the rest. :) YAY! Praise HIM.
The worst problem I have is that I would like change the world in some big way. Percy Jackson would describe this as hubris (not to be confused with hummus). It’s a fancy word for pride (thinking you could do better/save the world/etc.)… which is the grand human sin after all. Actually, I have to confess – “change the world” is my fall back plan. (Don't choke on your diet coke - throw it away, it's rotting your teeth and eating out your liver). I’d much rather get married and raise a joyful family and change the world in small, nondescript ways. Doing something huge to change the world would only be to make up for the fact nobody thought I was worth pursing. It would be to fill the huge ache in my heart. And that’s not a very good plan. (Because everyone knows that you can't fill a hole without a shovel. Er well everyone should know that you can't fix love problems with work. Enough chick flicks should prove that, even if chick flicks are a bunch of bunk.)
But I’ve completely derailed from my main point.
The main point is that this internship has provided me with a huge sense of peace. Most of the year, I wrestled with the feeling that I was going off a huge cliff. I was about to enter a world full of overwhelming choices and I had to make a choice of what I was going to do. The pressure got worse when it seemed like I was going to have to make a choice with something that I really wouldn’t enjoy – something that would squeeze the life and joy out of me. I’ve realized or been reminded of two things. First, my life will (hopefully) be long, in which case, there will be plenty of time for God to lead me all over the place. The nice thing about living with an older person like JoVeta is that you are reminded of how many things you can do in a lifetime. Currently, I picture God taking me to hospitals, houses, positions of all types, countries, etc. I think he’ll utilize every single one of my gifts – art, music, intelligence, humor, skill with children, and great compassion. It’s still VERY frustrating not being able to know which direction He’ll take me, but it just proves the importance of being constantly prepared and ready to go wherever He leads.
Secondly, I’ve been reminded that any place God puts me will not suck the life out of me. It may be hard and painful, but it will not be life-sucking. God gives life – evil gives death. As long as I stay close in proximity to Him – as long as I keep praying – as long as I make room for Him in my life – He will fill me. So even if I end up in some non-descript med-surg floor, on the worst shift, with horrible nurses, and make terrible mistakes – even then I’ll still be gratified by doing God's work and helping the patients who are my priority. And even if I can’t help them the way I would like, I can always listen, always pray, and God will take care of the rest. :) YAY! Praise HIM.
Monday, July 13, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
Today's my mom's birthday.
I miss her
I hope she likes her presents!
Sorry I fed you so much. If you're a boy. Don't read it all. It's not worth it. Pick a day that has lots of pictures or looks short and enjoy it. If you're bored... enjoy the reading material. It's real. It's funny. It's thought-provoking.
Love,
Katie
I miss her
I hope she likes her presents!
Sorry I fed you so much. If you're a boy. Don't read it all. It's not worth it. Pick a day that has lots of pictures or looks short and enjoy it. If you're bored... enjoy the reading material. It's real. It's funny. It's thought-provoking.
Love,
Katie
Sulky Saturday and Sunday
I am a human... and I get annoyed for no reason sometimes. Even though I would like to hide it sometimes... it's real and it's me... and it makes me real... not perfect. So here's my rather pessimistic posts on the end of the week. Forgive me.
Saturday we woke up early again and headed for Kansas City after mass. I was so tired when we arrived that I asked to be excused to nap. NAP? In the daytime? I don’t do that. Who switched bodies with me? I don’t think I ever lost consciousness, but I felt semi-better after half an hour. Then we went to the PLAZA for lunch and shopping. I capitalize that for succinct reasons which you will discover for yourself. In fact, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Talk about the lap of luxury. Aside from my grumpy desire to deck someone because of the overindulgence around me, I was very grateful for the lavish experience. I am being treated to a world of generosity. I still feel slightly tainted by worldly desires though. Being surrounded by voracious amounts of money and costly items always does that to me. I don’t like spending $7.50 for a piece of cheesecake when some people can’t afford to buy soap. As I was looking outside at the pristine landscaping and the beautiful flowered streets, I noticed a distinct lack of homeless people. “Those” kind of people don’t belong in a place like the Plaza, and would probably get kicked out of the area. It slightly depressed me. (Note: As the post progresses… I will become more and more brusque and pessimistic. Forgive me. I will return in full joyous, uncritical form within the week).
Sunday I awoke to a giant thunderstorm! Then we went to mass for real (since it was Sunday) and I grumpily observed all the reasons I will never become a Catholic. Their entire service makes you feel like an outcast if you’re not a member. They have all these little rituals and passages that they do. They're beautiful, but you feel guilty and hypocritical if you try to mimic them and guilty and excluded if you don’t. I have nothing against Catholics. In fact, I love some of them to death (or I smother them to death in chocolate... Ceci). I just don't want to be a part of a church that makes non-members feel awkward.
Then we went to eat at The Boat… my last grumpy note. The boat is a restaurant attached to a casino. Now I’m pretty sure none of you have been inside a place that hosts a hotel, casino, and restaurant all that the same time on a Sunday after going to mass. Let’s just say, I felt pretty messed up. Clarification: I did ask whether the restaurant was separate from the casino… and I was told it was. However, I’m still suspicious that somehow the proceeds of one or the other HAVE to be connected. When we walked inside, I was so distraught, I thought about Daniel and wondered what I could do to not dishonor the Lord. I figured not eating was out since that would be a blatant discredit to Jo’s generosity (of course the tickets into the restaurant cost a fortune since it was an all you can eat buffet type place) P.S. the Keith Urban tickets cost $61! I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Is there a category of money in our per diem account for “Gifts you get dragged into”? I mean, I wanted to do all of this fun stuff. Normally, if I were at home, I would pay for my own part of it and I think that’s what Kary would expect me to do. But Jo has already paid for it… and I could offer to, but I think that would just offend her… so here I am at an impasse. Sigh. I think God just wants me to stop worrying about money.
Anyway, I finally decided to eat a lot of fresh fruit and a couple protein foods – some potatoes, eggs, and my luxury – biscuit and gravy. Gross I know, but for some odd reason, I really like biscuits. Sadly, I ended up eating more because I gradually felt more comfortable. I hope I did the right thing. I asked God either to make me feel less horrible, or to give me a way out of eating. So I guess He choose the first option which makes me think I have nothing to feel guilty about.
Then we went shopping at an old river town. It was mostly window shopping – although it made me unhappy all over again (sorry) because I was reminded of all the pretty things you can buy with money… and I started wanting them. Stupid nasty shopping. I bought one small gift for my roommate Emily which made me happy amidst all the silliness. All in all, it was a lovely trip, if I wasn’t such a normal covetous human.
Saturday we woke up early again and headed for Kansas City after mass. I was so tired when we arrived that I asked to be excused to nap. NAP? In the daytime? I don’t do that. Who switched bodies with me? I don’t think I ever lost consciousness, but I felt semi-better after half an hour. Then we went to the PLAZA for lunch and shopping. I capitalize that for succinct reasons which you will discover for yourself. In fact, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Talk about the lap of luxury. Aside from my grumpy desire to deck someone because of the overindulgence around me, I was very grateful for the lavish experience. I am being treated to a world of generosity. I still feel slightly tainted by worldly desires though. Being surrounded by voracious amounts of money and costly items always does that to me. I don’t like spending $7.50 for a piece of cheesecake when some people can’t afford to buy soap. As I was looking outside at the pristine landscaping and the beautiful flowered streets, I noticed a distinct lack of homeless people. “Those” kind of people don’t belong in a place like the Plaza, and would probably get kicked out of the area. It slightly depressed me. (Note: As the post progresses… I will become more and more brusque and pessimistic. Forgive me. I will return in full joyous, uncritical form within the week).
Sunday I awoke to a giant thunderstorm! Then we went to mass for real (since it was Sunday) and I grumpily observed all the reasons I will never become a Catholic. Their entire service makes you feel like an outcast if you’re not a member. They have all these little rituals and passages that they do. They're beautiful, but you feel guilty and hypocritical if you try to mimic them and guilty and excluded if you don’t. I have nothing against Catholics. In fact, I love some of them to death (or I smother them to death in chocolate... Ceci). I just don't want to be a part of a church that makes non-members feel awkward.
Then we went to eat at The Boat… my last grumpy note. The boat is a restaurant attached to a casino. Now I’m pretty sure none of you have been inside a place that hosts a hotel, casino, and restaurant all that the same time on a Sunday after going to mass. Let’s just say, I felt pretty messed up. Clarification: I did ask whether the restaurant was separate from the casino… and I was told it was. However, I’m still suspicious that somehow the proceeds of one or the other HAVE to be connected. When we walked inside, I was so distraught, I thought about Daniel and wondered what I could do to not dishonor the Lord. I figured not eating was out since that would be a blatant discredit to Jo’s generosity (of course the tickets into the restaurant cost a fortune since it was an all you can eat buffet type place) P.S. the Keith Urban tickets cost $61! I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Is there a category of money in our per diem account for “Gifts you get dragged into”? I mean, I wanted to do all of this fun stuff. Normally, if I were at home, I would pay for my own part of it and I think that’s what Kary would expect me to do. But Jo has already paid for it… and I could offer to, but I think that would just offend her… so here I am at an impasse. Sigh. I think God just wants me to stop worrying about money.
Anyway, I finally decided to eat a lot of fresh fruit and a couple protein foods – some potatoes, eggs, and my luxury – biscuit and gravy. Gross I know, but for some odd reason, I really like biscuits. Sadly, I ended up eating more because I gradually felt more comfortable. I hope I did the right thing. I asked God either to make me feel less horrible, or to give me a way out of eating. So I guess He choose the first option which makes me think I have nothing to feel guilty about.
Then we went shopping at an old river town. It was mostly window shopping – although it made me unhappy all over again (sorry) because I was reminded of all the pretty things you can buy with money… and I started wanting them. Stupid nasty shopping. I bought one small gift for my roommate Emily which made me happy amidst all the silliness. All in all, it was a lovely trip, if I wasn’t such a normal covetous human.
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