I have an answer...

For years, I've refused alcohol. For 20 years, it's because I've been underaged. Not breaking the law is cool...

I've been thinking about this for a good amount of time. People like to harass me... why won't you have a glass of wine? Are you afraid of it? Are you being a snit? (Don't ask me... I just made that word up. It's a word that describes how some people make me feel).

I refuse perhaps permanently to drink alcohol... because it's my prayer. I hate the stuff. I have seen too much pain over it. I have seen too many anguished people whose marriages are breaking up because one of them is an alcoholic. I have seen too many broken hearted mothers and fathers whose child has died from a drunk driver. I have seen too many hurting girls who have been raped because of the influence of alcohol. I have seen too many people abusing others, acting stupid, and dying because of it.

Let's back up. I'm NOT stupid. I realize that it's the people's choice and not the alcohol that is evil. However, for many people, alcohol is kind of like sin. You wet your foot (or your tongue) and think... ooo very nice. And then all of a sudden you're drowning. So why tempt yourself?

When I refuse alcohol, it's my prayer that if someone around me is struggling to not drink, that I will give them enough bolster to refuse a drink as well. I extrapolate it even further. When I refuse to drink, I remember all the people that have been hurt by alcohol and I fight back for them... not just in the act, but in prayer. When I am with friends, I'd rather figgle (aka: food giggle. Arielle made that word up because I get really happy when I eat) than get really happy on a drink. And what other reason is there to drink it than to be social and feel a little happier? I really don't think I'm missing that much and if I am? Well there's always heaven.

Thank you for listening. Now you can call me a snit. :)

Yours crying out for the world
Katie

Work hard play hard

Well, no one can say that I'm being worked to death! JoVeta has planned for us to see a play directed by her (?) grandson I think, we're going to try to see UP tomorrow if it's still in theaters, we're scheduled to visit the salt mines July 10th, and we're going to a Keith Urban concert... so can somebody tell me who the heck he is and what I should expect? :) I love being out of the media loop. That's all for this post. I mainly just wanted to ask who Keith Urban was. :) I'm writing short posts in a series so as not to overwhelm you. It's like... um... pizza rolls :)

My sudden new thought for the day...

Currently I think the most terrifying thing about God is His choice to give us choice. It’s terrifying because of the vicious depravity it made possible…and because of the raw and immense pain God opened Himself up to. A God who can choose to be gouged with such ferocious sin and rebellion… is terrifying. With one eye shut the choice looks like weakness, but with both eyes open it has an inhuman strength to it. What it proves is that God is wholly other… or Holy. He is waiting with an everlasting patience, bearing every anguish that humans experience, so that we might choose Him again… and again.


The next most terrifying thing is my ability to choose sin over God -despite the way it deeply wounds God and despite the judgment that hangs over my head. We all live under the guillotine so to speak – the only difference is that Jesus is holding it back for Christians. So although I am spared, each choice of sin I make swells the judgment that came down on Christ. Someone once wrote that our sin held Jesus to the cross… I’m beginning to see the enormity of the truth in that. Sometimes I think that I sin mostly because I’m so careless. Maybe it would help me choose God over sin if I remembered every morning the judgment Christ is upholding from coming down over my head… and that any choice apart from God adds more weight and pain to that judgment.

I was reading Oswald Chambers (Boy he doesn’t mince his words). He says this about sin. “If sin rules in me, God’s life in me will be killed; if God rules in me, sin will be killed. There is no possible ultimate but that. The climax of sin is that it crucified Jesus and what is true in the history of God on earth will be true in your history and in mine”. WHEW. Once in a while it’s nice to have those black and white moments. It frees me to BATTLE. You cannot have two masters… when I choose sin… I am killing or x-ing out God’s life. So YAHHHHH I had better wake up and fight! I don’t want to be spit out as lukewarm because I was careless and sleepy. (You know those sleepy days where you’re like… eh. I can let my mind wander… not think about the admirable and praiseworthy things. Eh I can complain about this annoying woman. Eh… I can read this stupid People magazine. It can’t hurt). But it sure can. Pretty soon all your head is full of is complaints, scandal, gossip, and half naked men or women. Heh… sorry my complaint is magazines. But anyway, there’s no point any even dwelling two seconds on those things. There are people to pray for, praises to sing, thanks to give, peace to receive, joy to laugh, terrifying aspects of God to ponder… well you get the picture. This morning, I spent outside instead of in the dark adoration chapel. With the world flung beneath me (I was kind of on this hill) I burbled praises up to the blue sky with no one but God to hear. It was lovely. I thought maybe that I could go on singing forever.

Just making the choice to praise instead of curse can set you back on the path to peace and righteousness and win the battle over sin for a moment.

Chronicles

Today: I had the first moment of jubilee "on the job" so to speak. JoVeta and I had a meeting with someone who has a grant to do research with a children's program. They are trying to get these great books about recognizing child illnesses (when to go to the doctor versus when it's ok to be at home etc) distributed. However, since it's research, it's complicated by pre and post surveys. Many of the parish nurses trying to get the books out are getting frustrated by a lack of partcipation and interest. As I was listening to their conversation, all of a sudden a thought came in unbidden. Then an order came. "Speak" So out tumbled my incomplete thought, "You know when we did surveys at my college, sometimes it helped if there was some kind of incentive" I can't even remember how the conversation went after that... but it seemed like ideas really started flowing. We talked about possible getting nursing student in the fall to help out. Now it's my job to write up a job description. Spanish speakers are preferred (also due to some of my comments).

What I've realized about changing the world is that if you have the right situation... it's really quite easy. All it takes is a fertile ground and a bunch of interested and committed people. Ha. That's the hard part... "the right situation" - fertile ground and interested/committed people. That's why I think it really depends on the Lord. I had no idea what I was going into this morning, but God did... and He was pretty excited about it. All of the rich college education you have had... all of the life experiences you've gained (painfully sometimes)... all of your gifts and dreams are valuable... and can be sowed into other's lives to really make a difference. Don't get discouraged, you never know what piece of you God wants to use to bring about shalom - wellness, wholeness, and flourishing.

Sunday: Church was fun. All the kids from camp yelled "KATIE!" and gave me hugs. I introduced myself to Alli's grandmother and she reached out and asked if she could touch my hair. She said "You are so pretty... I'm not quite blind... but..." and then touched both sides of my head. I had compliments from moms and little girls on my dress. (You know you have a good dress when BOTH the moms and the little girls like it) My mom says that I better learn that I'm beautiful. We had brunch at Granite City... it was amazing (I mean, who has ribs at brunch? JoVeta says that Tim and Sam love going to Granite City... because it has huge hamburgers. The brunch was all you could eat... and I was stuffed after one plate!) and expensive (I'm still not used to going out to eat!). I went for a run, but it just about killed me. I went a little too early when the sun was still out and the humidity was like 90%. EHHH

Saturday: I can't really remember what I did that day. However, I did something really cool that evening. I went and served at the Lord's Diner. The Lord's Diner is this amazing place that serves the homeless and lower income people food 365 days a year! It's paid for with donations and grants. They must serve 100-200 people every day. It's mad crazy. I served desserts. One man said that he'd take some jello, but my smile was better. After all the compliments I've had in my life... you would think that I would have great esteem... or a big head :) Hmmm (pats head) I think it's still the same size.

Friday: Oh my gosh... I completely forgot! I spent all of Thursday and Friday with the kids at VBS. That's right! There was so much I wanted to say... but I'm getting exhausted. Let's see. My shouldars still ache from doing "underdogs". I swear that kids' favorite phrase is "WATCH ME!" Sometimes I felt torn by five different little kids yelling "KATIE! Look at me!" I felt some progress at the two little boys I've fallen in love with. I seem to fall for the troubled ones. I told you about Brandon before. He's the little one that couldn't blow bubbles and was worried about the bugspray. He also draws pictures of people blowing up people in every means possible. Thursday he told me that my dive off the diving board was awesome. I said thanks off handedly right before he dove underwater. When he came up, I heard a faint "your welcome". I almost fell over in the water with surprise. It's not that he's rude... it was just icing on the cake for him. His brother Kollin is just a year or two older than him... and just as much a troublemaker. But the Friday, I thought my heart would break. Somehow the kids all know what "year" according to the Chinese calendar that they were born it. It was the funniest thing when they all erupted with "I'm a rat!" "I'm a dog" etc. Anyway, Kollin was like "my mom's a monkey" and Xoi was eating a banana. She decided to say... "You should give her this banana. She'll like it if she's a monkey" Of course she was joking, but it hit Kollin funny. I think maybe it's because of complicated family part of their life. At any rate, he had tears that rose and stood in his eyes. I valiantly tried to pretend I didn't see... and made Xoi apologize even though I knew she didn't "mean it". Boy did I just want to sweep him up and hold him tight.

I taught Xoi how to braid and how to play string games Jacob's ladder... cat's cradle... the works. In fact, I had five kids learning how by the end of bus ride. Kollin got as far as "cat's whiskers" and told me the next day that he still had the string. Xoi dragged me to meet her mother because she talks about me so much that her mom wanted to meet me. Phoenyx regularly throws his arms around me.

It's funny how the past haunts you. I called Phoenyx, Conner because he reminds me of a little red head that I used to swim with. I think that Patrick looks like a Brian because of my 5th grade love... and I'm pretty sure that Justin was supposed to be a Patrick. He's this slim middle schooler (one of the counselors) with long curly blond hair. He looks so much like someone out of a movie. I had it figured out at one point... but I've lost it. He also talks with a bit of a drawl that so reminds me of someone. I've got to figure this out. He's another one I've fallen in love with. (Yes Nick... you're right... you fall in love when you least expect it) but seeing that he's at least 7 years my junior :) Well let's just say I love them all - pretty equally. I'll put up pictures of camp if I get them.

Anyway, that should probably be all for now. I've done quite a bit once again. (Sorry Blake... I'm not doing to well on the chilling out) I knew that I would be happier doing something with a set schedule Thursday and Friday. Luckily, it was as much fun as it was work.

Popsicles

This evening was interrupted wonderfully by JoVeta's son and grandson. Sam is the famous grandchild who had part of his finger snapped off in a game of tug of war when the roped broke. Intense I know! I've seen it with my own eyes. It's not as bad as you would think... but it still looks pretty awful. Basically the pad behind the nail of his left ring finger is ripped off (and his finger's broken). Anyway, they came to fix JoVeta's tree which was bent to a 45 degree. Here we all are (minus me since I'm taking the picture). I thought you'd enjoy a picture of JoVeta finally! It's not a great pciture of anyone... but I felt funny snapping too many pictures - I mean I'm not the popparazzi or anything... whew I can't even spell that. So anyway, I had a fun moment... JoVeta went to get stakes and rope so Mike, Sam, and I were hanging out aimlessly. I was furiously trying to figure out some way to make them feel welcome and at home when I remembered we had bought popsicles at the grocery store (my request). I dashed inside and grabbed the box feeling full of trepidation. "I HOPE they'll accept them" I thought, "I always feel so rejected when I try to do something nice and people aren't on the same wavelength". Lucky me, they accepted the popsicles as happily as I gave them. I love this family so much already!

I officially met them on Friday when we dropped by to pick up some things and ended up having a lovely steak, potatoes, and brussel sprout dinner. Mike was delighted that I liked brussel sprouts (thank you grandfather and grandmother). (I had seconds - I must be one of the only people in the world that likes asparagus and spinach and brussel sprouts). They wanted to introduce me to Bridget (she's 21 just like me) but she's a counselor at the camp Sam was at when he injured his finger. However, they convinced her to come home July 1st to meet me which I thought was really sweet since I really am lonely for people my age. I haven't met one yet! I guess lonely wouldn't be quite the right word, because I must say that I'm enjoying this time on my own... but bored would be a good word. There's no one to confide in or laugh like mad with... that's why I eat up my time with the kids at church. Anyway, Bridget and I are apparently a lot alike - she wants to go to Africa and she loves playing soccer too. :)

Here are some more pictures of the house. Mom you're going to smile :)

This is the kitchen - it's the first view I saw coming into the house from the garage.

This is part of the living room. There's a big couch to the left that I'm currently sitting on composing this. I haven't taken pictures of my room yet, but I should. It's really nice. Ok well, that's it for this post. I'll post another one in a minute because there's just so much to catch up on.

R. I. P. BECAUSE IT'S FIXED!

"Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

You may all rest in peace because my computer has been raised from the dead! Apparently, it had a terrible dustbunny... not surprising since the condition of my room was extremely dusty. It also had a virus... but the little Russian techie said it was less of a problem than the dust bunny. Thank you very much for all of your prayers. I have been very calm this week.

Let's see... I have lots more to tell... but I can't concentrate at all.

BTW - BTK

By the way... now that I've caught you up on the week's news, I still need to process today. Today I learned more than I wanted to know about BTK. Bind Torture and Kill - the local serial killer from Wichita. Thankfully, he's behind bars... and he's been there for a while. JoVeta likes to tell me outrageous stories. Most of what I have to process is what we discuss. :)

Anyway, it turns out this BTK was the president on a board of another Lutheran church. (Yetta says that Lutheran churches just don't seem to be doing well). JoVeta says that it isn't Lutherans... (of course not) that churches are full of hypocrites and it could happen to any church. She mourns the fact that there seems to be no safe place. She also said that God works amazingly (because the pastor of the church where BTK was - has been able to minister greatly to the pastor of Yetta's church). Sometimes I get tired of her saying that God is so good. I am trying to figure out why. I like saying that God is good. Sometimes I think that I just hate it when people act like me because I want to go on thinking that I am unique. See what a terrible person I am? No more terrible that anyone else (I am getting better at not beating myself up) Other times, I think it's because I feel like we're talking about two different beings. She talks about God with so much confidence... and I feel like I can never get my mind around Him. He's always bigger than I think. He is good... but when I say it... I say it with a touch of awe. She says it like He's her next door neighbor. When I think about it in my head - I think it's a good thing. She is absolute in her confidence of him. And at her age... I think that's appropriate. Is it possible to be too confident in God? That seems like a ridiculous question. Maybe I'm just not used to other people talking about God so familiarly. It's what I want! I've always complained that people don't share how God is working in their life enough.

That's another thing that happened this school year. I got completely "religioused out". I was so lectured out that I couldn't stand to put one more fact in my head... not even a sermon. Everything just seems the same. I don't feel like I can learn any more head knowledge. I just need all the head knowledge to go to the heart. It's working... in the most biblical ways. I knew that when I felt the need to read James that I was in for it.

James starts out "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials and temptations of every kind" Oh boy... I'm going to spoil the Thursday email... but here goes. Right before my computer crashed I read Paul's words from Corinthians (I think)

"In our hearts, we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God, who raises the dead" 2 Cor 1:9. It came back to me in my hysterics the night my computer went. The next day I wrote it out again. "In our heart's we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead" Even a dead computer Lord? That was my question. The main point though... is not whether God will raise my dead computer, but whether I will rely on the Lord. I realized right away how important my computer was to me... and how much I relied on it. It held communication to my friends and family, it held achievements and papers I wrote for school, it held stories and dreams and poems I wrote... it seemed to hold everything. And then I thought... I must AT LEAST rely on God more than I seem to rely on this computer. It really does feel like a sentence of death to lose what you love... physical death sentences would be more terrible - but in the end it comes down to what you love. Do you love God- or something/someone else? You cannot love both. And God raises the dead. That's like whoa! :)

OK I had more to say, but I'm exhausted and it's late. So I bid you adieu. None of the last two entries were particularly coherent. I would hone the writing, but what the heck... I said I'd give you truth and nails. It doesn't have to be perfect :)