Misery. Doom. Shame.
I hate tests
I hate being tested
I hate feeling stupid
I am not good at trusting
I am not good at not worrying
I am not good at being humble
I hate ATI and NCLEX and most especially NURSING.
The END
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
And so the first passes
Meryl died today. I will never be able to go back with books.
Thank God she's with Him.
Thank God she's with Him.
Bugspray and onions
Today I hopped on a schoolbus with random elementry age kids on the way to summer "games" camp. A sweet little girl named Abby let me sit with her. For just one brief minute I felt bereft... because as we passed a lavendar grey camry... I thought "Kids go together with Chris. I can't be with a whole bunch of kids without him!" (Hope camp is going well for you, my friend) Then two little girls nearby broke out whispering and giggling at me until they finally broke out "I like your braids"... "I like your shorts" "I like your purse". I was off to a good start. As I laughed through parachuting (not from a plane... you remember the little kid version of it right?) blind volleyball, amd hula-hooping while blowing bubbles... I saw things weren't always smooth. We had two very sullen children in our group - one who was rescued from watching TV all day. He took to me, or probably I took to him. He sat alone while we were trying to blow bubbles and do hula hoop...
"I can't blow bubbles... I've TRIED and TRIED. I don't want to hula-hoop." Then he came out with the real problem. "My dad's going to be mad at me. I brought the bug spray and now it's all gone."
"I bet you could take home one of the bugsprays that the camp has." I said
"The counselors will be mad at me." He objected
"Oh no... why don't we ask?"
There was one order taken care of. Later he ran up to me with a soda. "Can you open this up for me?" My goodness, I love children!
Cathy (the pastor) and I went to subway for lunch and both had onions in our subs. We laughed because we smelled like bugspray and onions... and we were going to visit people in the hospital! We had a riot but upon coming to the hospital, I sobered real quickly. Our patient had suffered asystole and coded whereupon she had a pacemaker implanted. She had tubes coming out everywhere... which I am used too... but never comfortable with. She couldn't even talk poor thing. We didn't stay near long enough to my mind. I'm entirely sure that the worst thing is to be in the hospital with no one to talk to... and even when they do come... you can't talk! I would just want someone to stay close... maybe read to me from a book. Maybe next time I visit, I'll bring a book.
It's looking like severe weather again. We already had hail and a tornado warning. I'm LOVING the wild weather. I always did like storms.
My ATI stuff was extremely frustrating yesterday, so after calling my mom when I thought I was going to go mad... I took the day off and read two extremely long books. I'm sure I shot my eyes out... but it was worth it. Francine Rivers is quite an author. I remembered quickly how Kristina wanted me to read Redeeming Love... but I think "A Voice in the Wind" and "An Echo in the Darkness" even better if possible. What I find intriguing about the books is the combination of healing and spirituality that occurs in the second book. It's a lot like what I tried to speak about in my 19 page honors paper. 100% of people's health is complicated by their finances, their social life, their sins, their diet. Half the time people just need a gentle touch and a listening ear and they feel better. Love given in God's name does physical miracles. And you can't separate the physical problems from it. The doctor can repair your heart... but you will just end up back in the hospital if you don't stop giving yourself high blood pressure with stress and poor diet. Even more beautiful is the fact that I first saw the book "A Voice in the Wind" in someone's hands on the airplane coming home. It's definitely and God implant. Let's hope it blooms in some way. :)
I feel more at home... the more people I meet. I heard someone playing the piano in the church... and commented. Then I realized they were playing warm up scales. They weren't going to play piano... they were going to sing. Cathy said, "Oh it's opera season... and we have a GREAT choir. Sometimes members who are in the opera come to practice here" Later as we flew past the room, she paused and said..."It's M... (Yeah... I can't spell his name) Have you met him?" And with that she swept me into the room. I stared into a handsome face with dark curls above the piano. He got up and shook my hand and said "I've read about you in the newsletter (groan... EVERYBODY seems to have!) so I feel like I know something about you" I don't know what I replied... but then Cathy swept me back out... and said "Everybody has a crush on him" Whereby I sincerely replied, "I think he's too old for me" (I do think he is. It's very difficult to place an age on him. But I think he's at least 30) Undaunted Cathy said, "Just wait till you hear him sing"
I can't wait! However, don't worry. I am in no mood to fall in love.
On that note, I bid you adieu :)
Much love (and prayer!)
Katie
"I can't blow bubbles... I've TRIED and TRIED. I don't want to hula-hoop." Then he came out with the real problem. "My dad's going to be mad at me. I brought the bug spray and now it's all gone."
"I bet you could take home one of the bugsprays that the camp has." I said
"The counselors will be mad at me." He objected
"Oh no... why don't we ask?"
There was one order taken care of. Later he ran up to me with a soda. "Can you open this up for me?" My goodness, I love children!
Cathy (the pastor) and I went to subway for lunch and both had onions in our subs. We laughed because we smelled like bugspray and onions... and we were going to visit people in the hospital! We had a riot but upon coming to the hospital, I sobered real quickly. Our patient had suffered asystole and coded whereupon she had a pacemaker implanted. She had tubes coming out everywhere... which I am used too... but never comfortable with. She couldn't even talk poor thing. We didn't stay near long enough to my mind. I'm entirely sure that the worst thing is to be in the hospital with no one to talk to... and even when they do come... you can't talk! I would just want someone to stay close... maybe read to me from a book. Maybe next time I visit, I'll bring a book.
It's looking like severe weather again. We already had hail and a tornado warning. I'm LOVING the wild weather. I always did like storms.
My ATI stuff was extremely frustrating yesterday, so after calling my mom when I thought I was going to go mad... I took the day off and read two extremely long books. I'm sure I shot my eyes out... but it was worth it. Francine Rivers is quite an author. I remembered quickly how Kristina wanted me to read Redeeming Love... but I think "A Voice in the Wind" and "An Echo in the Darkness" even better if possible. What I find intriguing about the books is the combination of healing and spirituality that occurs in the second book. It's a lot like what I tried to speak about in my 19 page honors paper. 100% of people's health is complicated by their finances, their social life, their sins, their diet. Half the time people just need a gentle touch and a listening ear and they feel better. Love given in God's name does physical miracles. And you can't separate the physical problems from it. The doctor can repair your heart... but you will just end up back in the hospital if you don't stop giving yourself high blood pressure with stress and poor diet. Even more beautiful is the fact that I first saw the book "A Voice in the Wind" in someone's hands on the airplane coming home. It's definitely and God implant. Let's hope it blooms in some way. :)
I feel more at home... the more people I meet. I heard someone playing the piano in the church... and commented. Then I realized they were playing warm up scales. They weren't going to play piano... they were going to sing. Cathy said, "Oh it's opera season... and we have a GREAT choir. Sometimes members who are in the opera come to practice here" Later as we flew past the room, she paused and said..."It's M... (Yeah... I can't spell his name) Have you met him?" And with that she swept me into the room. I stared into a handsome face with dark curls above the piano. He got up and shook my hand and said "I've read about you in the newsletter (groan... EVERYBODY seems to have!) so I feel like I know something about you" I don't know what I replied... but then Cathy swept me back out... and said "Everybody has a crush on him" Whereby I sincerely replied, "I think he's too old for me" (I do think he is. It's very difficult to place an age on him. But I think he's at least 30) Undaunted Cathy said, "Just wait till you hear him sing"
I can't wait! However, don't worry. I am in no mood to fall in love.
On that note, I bid you adieu :)
Much love (and prayer!)
Katie
Monday, June 8, 2009
The klutz queen
So today I had my first meeting with the pastor. After our extensive tour - in which I got very turned around - she said, (YES... it's a she!) "What do you want for your internship? And I was like... "I thought you were going to tell me what to do" It's kind of crazy working with two separate mediums - nursing and ministry. Yet they are intertwined for me. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to get out of it. (specifically from the church I mean). I simply expected to be connected with it in whatever JoVeta was doing. I love people... I love kids. I don't want to spend all the time with kids. I want to learn how to write a good sermon... because I love writing and teaching. I don't really want to shadow a pastor in all regard though since I'm pretty sure I'm not a pastor - I'm a prophet. There's a big difference. I've written a Thursday email consistently for about 3 years now. My mom thinks I should try to turn it into a devotional for teens. I don't want to write another trite, self-help, mundane little thing that will clog up the arteries of the bookstore. I do think my mom's idea has potential. I'm just not sure how that gets into the picture. My biggest interest is in people themselves. I'd like to be involved in the grief support groups, the children's ministry, and the homeless outreach. I'm innovative - so maybe I'll dream up some things to add to the ministry (like that Farmer's Market of Jonathan's church... that is a really cool idea). Perhaps though... what I suspect is the most important... is for me to be me and to bring God's new life to everyone I meet in specific ways. I already have a lot of things on my mind that I'm not exactly sure belong in a public blog. I am praying hard for JoVeta, my neighborhood, the little ones under this post who don't know the love of Christ, and for so many other things that are breaking my heart. And of course, as always... I'm praying for you with lots of thought and love.
After the meeting, I got back to the car and promptly found I had locked myself out! (Now I do have one excuse for being such a klutz). I have two pairs of key chains... one for the house/car and one for the church.) I called triple A and waited for an hour... which gave me time to browse the Economy corner... which is a really neat thrift store that the church runs (speaking of neat ministries). I bought a copy of the Scarlet Pimpernel for 35 cents... and promptly read it in two hours. (Course I did skim through because I've read it so many times).
But that act is NOTHING compared to my flight klutz. Upon receiving the customary glass of water given to passengers on a flight, I promptly dumped the entire glass into my seat. And furthermore, I sat in it for the remainder of the flight. I honestly didn't think there was anything anyone could do. Only later, when I asked the flight attendant for a new glass of water explaining my predicament did I realize rescue was possible... when the attendant said I could have a new cushion. However, by then the damage was irrevocable. My jeans were soaked through to the bone. :).
And of course (mom you're going to be sad - I keep forgetting to tell you). I lost the bathrobe my mother bought just for propriety's sake... but I had used CONSTANTLY (since being sick makes one very cold) Sorry mom. You're right that I needed it! I miss it.
And before that I left my boarding pass on the plane....
And... well you get the idea. I tend to be rather scatterbrained. I don't think it's getting any better considering today. But all's well that ends well. Thank you Jesus! :)
Much love,
Katie
After the meeting, I got back to the car and promptly found I had locked myself out! (Now I do have one excuse for being such a klutz). I have two pairs of key chains... one for the house/car and one for the church.) I called triple A and waited for an hour... which gave me time to browse the Economy corner... which is a really neat thrift store that the church runs (speaking of neat ministries). I bought a copy of the Scarlet Pimpernel for 35 cents... and promptly read it in two hours. (Course I did skim through because I've read it so many times).
But that act is NOTHING compared to my flight klutz. Upon receiving the customary glass of water given to passengers on a flight, I promptly dumped the entire glass into my seat. And furthermore, I sat in it for the remainder of the flight. I honestly didn't think there was anything anyone could do. Only later, when I asked the flight attendant for a new glass of water explaining my predicament did I realize rescue was possible... when the attendant said I could have a new cushion. However, by then the damage was irrevocable. My jeans were soaked through to the bone. :).
And of course (mom you're going to be sad - I keep forgetting to tell you). I lost the bathrobe my mother bought just for propriety's sake... but I had used CONSTANTLY (since being sick makes one very cold) Sorry mom. You're right that I needed it! I miss it.
And before that I left my boarding pass on the plane....
And... well you get the idea. I tend to be rather scatterbrained. I don't think it's getting any better considering today. But all's well that ends well. Thank you Jesus! :)
Much love,
Katie
Family
Here's a terrible picture of me... with Hannah. We had a lot of fun :)
Look at those eyelashes!
Mac is Hannah's cousin. He turned three. That's a candle he's fixated on. It was said of them that they could sell Gap...
Yup. Pure cuteness
Saturday, June 6, 2009
A conglomeration of things
There's no good way to sum up the last four days. It's been a whirlwind of activity. We took on some pretty deep topics in our parish nursing class... things like grief and loss and abuse. When we got on the abuse topic, my hair got all raised again. I always forget how awful people can treat each other. Watch out for your grandparents that they don't get taken in by some fast-talking person. Your grandparents probably aren't at that much of a risk. The worst of it is... the lonely old people. These terrible families who don't love on their old folks. A little old granny who got taken advantage of, will often say, "but he was a nice young man... and he called me every day!" That swindler was probably the only person who ever called her. DARN it peoples! Adopt an elderly person. Share your love. Don't let loneliness predispose ANYONE... whatever their age... to being taken advantage of. Women would rather stay in an abusive relationship, because "he touches me" - even in an ugly way. Humanity can't live without love, touch, care. What makes me, me? The drive to make sure that every single person I meet goes away knowing that someone cares about them. It's not just to be nice. It's to save lives.
I was just reading about a book called, "Monster". The commentary said that people don't become criminals overnight. In class, we talk about the layers and layers that cover up a person who is stuck in an abusive relationship. That person cannot begin to get out of their situation unless someone helps peel back the layers. That's our job. With the power of Christ, we can peel back layers of hate, abuse, or plain neglect... that have encoffined (new word) people in death. The gospel is a message of freedom and life! HUZZAH. Hehe... ok
Back to life. The ladies ended up being quite precious to me. They were a great group and so funny. They called me the hope for the future. (Can't wait until I get to the age where I'm telling someone young whipppersnapper that they're the hope for the future!). It was a treat to graduate with them on Friday. I actually got a little certificate... so I guess I could be an official parish nurse.... if I only had a parish... teehee.
Yesterday, my big adventure was to eat (I think they were raw) oysters. They weren't too bad! We also had shrimp, sushi, and calamari. It was quite the seafood night. It's a good thing that I figured out I like seafood as long as it doesn't taste like the sea. Today we went to the beach! :) I'm just working SO HARD. :) I've been playing a lot with Hannah. She is so cute! I'll post pictures when I get back to my computer in KS. Ok well I should probably get going. Thanks for all you who are reading this. I love you so much.
Katie
I was just reading about a book called, "Monster". The commentary said that people don't become criminals overnight. In class, we talk about the layers and layers that cover up a person who is stuck in an abusive relationship. That person cannot begin to get out of their situation unless someone helps peel back the layers. That's our job. With the power of Christ, we can peel back layers of hate, abuse, or plain neglect... that have encoffined (new word) people in death. The gospel is a message of freedom and life! HUZZAH. Hehe... ok
Back to life. The ladies ended up being quite precious to me. They were a great group and so funny. They called me the hope for the future. (Can't wait until I get to the age where I'm telling someone young whipppersnapper that they're the hope for the future!). It was a treat to graduate with them on Friday. I actually got a little certificate... so I guess I could be an official parish nurse.... if I only had a parish... teehee.
Yesterday, my big adventure was to eat (I think they were raw) oysters. They weren't too bad! We also had shrimp, sushi, and calamari. It was quite the seafood night. It's a good thing that I figured out I like seafood as long as it doesn't taste like the sea. Today we went to the beach! :) I'm just working SO HARD. :) I've been playing a lot with Hannah. She is so cute! I'll post pictures when I get back to my computer in KS. Ok well I should probably get going. Thanks for all you who are reading this. I love you so much.
Katie
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Little Boy Plays Monopoly
Hello everyone,
There is currently ONE available computer... and a little boy monopolizes it most of the time, so you probably won't hear as much from me. I'm in a class from 9-5 with women who are at least 30-40 years older than me :) It's a loooooong time to be in class. Multiply two hour classes by 4 and you have my schedule. I have a binder that's seriously 3 inches thick. It covers everything from prayer and ministry to self-care to ethics.
I'm staying in a lodge called Saint Paul's... only the S has slipped so it looks kind of like Aint Pauls... which is very amusing to me. I haven't visited the beach yet. Oh and I should probably explain what I'm doing in Florida. JoVeta is teaching the parish nurse prep class and I came along for the ride basically. I think I'll get a certificate. Unfortunately I can't get CEU (continuing education unit) credits... since I don't actually have my license.
I'm a little panicked because I said I would start my ATI nursing training online this week... but now I can't because of the limited/solo computer. I hope they can reset me for next week. Please pray that it works out. I think it's something minor... and I'm trying really hard not to be worried. I generally worry about everything. But I've set out the principle that it's useless to worry about something that is open-ended. It could turn out positively as easily as it could turn out negatively so why dwell on negative possibilities? Besides God is in charge... and He is good. So even if it doesn't work out like I think it should... it will work out for the good.
Also, pray for JoVeta. If you noticed the news... a man in Wichita was shot in church on Sunday. He did late late term abortions... like day before birth abortions (shudder) but I don't suppose shooting him was the answer. Anyway, JoVeta went to high school with him. He lost his whole family (mother father sister) in one fell airplane swoop and had to take over his father's practice/give up his dreams. So I'm sure there was plenty reason for the brokenness in his life. Plus, JoVeta has poured much prayer into his life. So it's just a shock for her.
Still missing you all very much... being stuck with elderly women is no joke although they are sometimes friendlier than college girls :)
Much love and prayers,
Katie
There is currently ONE available computer... and a little boy monopolizes it most of the time, so you probably won't hear as much from me. I'm in a class from 9-5 with women who are at least 30-40 years older than me :) It's a loooooong time to be in class. Multiply two hour classes by 4 and you have my schedule. I have a binder that's seriously 3 inches thick. It covers everything from prayer and ministry to self-care to ethics.
I'm staying in a lodge called Saint Paul's... only the S has slipped so it looks kind of like Aint Pauls... which is very amusing to me. I haven't visited the beach yet. Oh and I should probably explain what I'm doing in Florida. JoVeta is teaching the parish nurse prep class and I came along for the ride basically. I think I'll get a certificate. Unfortunately I can't get CEU (continuing education unit) credits... since I don't actually have my license.
I'm a little panicked because I said I would start my ATI nursing training online this week... but now I can't because of the limited/solo computer. I hope they can reset me for next week. Please pray that it works out. I think it's something minor... and I'm trying really hard not to be worried. I generally worry about everything. But I've set out the principle that it's useless to worry about something that is open-ended. It could turn out positively as easily as it could turn out negatively so why dwell on negative possibilities? Besides God is in charge... and He is good. So even if it doesn't work out like I think it should... it will work out for the good.
Also, pray for JoVeta. If you noticed the news... a man in Wichita was shot in church on Sunday. He did late late term abortions... like day before birth abortions (shudder) but I don't suppose shooting him was the answer. Anyway, JoVeta went to high school with him. He lost his whole family (mother father sister) in one fell airplane swoop and had to take over his father's practice/give up his dreams. So I'm sure there was plenty reason for the brokenness in his life. Plus, JoVeta has poured much prayer into his life. So it's just a shock for her.
Still missing you all very much... being stuck with elderly women is no joke although they are sometimes friendlier than college girls :)
Much love and prayers,
Katie
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